▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that buying a domestic products is better than buying foreign ones regardless of their cost. They may think that it can help domestic companies grow more. However, I do not agree with the opinion above. This is because people can be more satisfied and it can make domestic companies improve their products when people purchase the product depending on the quality of the products. First of all, people can feel satisfied more when they buy the better quality of product. Generally, people can be pleasant with getting a good quality of product at a reasonable price. Since there are a lot of foreign products with good quality being sold at the reasonable price, people can satisfied when they buy the foreign one. 외제 상품을 사면 만족한다는 결론이 아니라 '국산이라는 이유로 제품에 대한 만족을 포기할 필요가 없다, 소비자의 권리 측면에서 그렇게까지 할 필요가 없다'하는 식의 내용으로 정리되는 편이 더 논리가 맞을 것 같아요. 모든 외국상품이 더 좋은 가격에 좋은 품질을 가진 것은 아니니까요. For instance, I bought a new computer of the biggest domestic company since I thought it would be great to use a domestic one even it was more expensive than others. However, I was disappointed that a the durability of the computer was worse and its speed was slower than other foreign computers. A few months later, my friend recommended me to buy another computer that was made by a Japanese company and I was very satisfied with it because it was faster and cheaper. 사례 내용 역시 주제와 관련해서 내용을 정리해주세요. 단순히 외국기업 것을 샀는데 더 좋았다, 라고만 언급하는 것은 주제에 대한 답변이 될 수 없습니다. Second, it can make domestic companies improve their products. If people choose the foreign products depending on their quality, domestic companies would try to improve their products’ quality. For example, my father worked at a paper company. One day, he realized customers preferred a foreign company’s paper than his company’s one. This That was is because the foreign company’s provided good papers that were more thick and soft with reasonable prices. Thus, my father claimed to his supervisor that his company needed to make papers more durable, and the supervisor adapted his suggestion. Therefore, his company started to improve the quality of their paper. papers quality. As a result, my father’s company could have more customers than before. To sum up, I believe that people should buy products regard of considering its quality rather than purchase domestic products. This is because people can be more satisfied with the product and it can make domestic companies improve their products.
Comment :
본론1의 경우 '가격이 비싸도 국내제품을 사는 것이 좋은 게 아니라고 보는 이유'로 귀결될 수 있도록 논리를 더 보완해주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 소비자의 권리 측면과 기업 발전의 측면에서 각 주장을 만들어주셨는데 아주 좋은 idea인 것 같습니다. 관사 사용과 수일치 관련한 문법오류가 종종 있으니 이 부분도 유의해서 검토해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~! Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3.5/5 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following : - Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated (완벽하지는 않지만 문제의 요구사항을 대부분 잘 해결함) - Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications and/or details (적절하고 충분한 설명과 예시를 사용하며 대체로 글의 구성과 전개방식이 양호함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning (글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임)
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