▶ Your Answer : Some people think that students are not that more interested in politics than they were in the past. However, I believe that
students are more interested in politics than they were in the past. This is
because in modern society, being interested in politics enables students to
strengthen their competitiveness and to broaden their perspectives. First, being interested in politics encourages
students to strengthen their competitiveness in modern society. Understanding
the tendency of recruiters and the potential role of being interested in
politics is necessary to substantiate this view. According to the recent
research conducted by LinkedIn last week, 78 percent of 1000 Korean leading
recruiters preferred students who are sensitive to political issues as modern
society becomes more complex. Particularly, the recruiters explained that they
tend to be flexible and analytical, and in the long run, their flexibility and
critical thinking enhance their work performance. The reason is that by being
interested in politics and sensitive to political issues, when they face the
problem during in the project, they can think of practicable and reasonable
solution for more complicated world, which helps company to save money and time
to solve the problem. Because of this situation, nowadays, students are trying
to be more interested in politics. Second, being interested in politics
makes students to broaden their perspectives. Interestingly, a renowned social
scientist in South Korea published an article in “The Korean Herald” last
Tuesday, which claimed that being interested in politics helps students to
broaden perspectives. Essentially, the article stated that 62 percent of 2000
Korean students are usually informed of political issues through the Internet,
which enables them to meet various people from different countries and
cultures. As a result, due to the advance of the Internet, being interested in
political issues means opportunities to absorb the perspectives of people from
different backgrounds and learn new ideas, allowing students to expand the
range of what they can think and imagine and ultimately enjoy a better quality
of life. In this regard, I learned that students are more interested in
politics than they were in the past. To sum up, I believe that students are more
interested in politics than they were in the past for following reasons:
strengthening competitiveness in modern society and broadening perspectives.
Consequently, the importance of my view cannot be underestimated for the reasons
I have mentioned above.
Comment : 학생들이 실제로 과거보다 더 정치적 이슈에 관심이 많다는 것을 드러내주는 주장이 필요한데, 현재 글은 '정치적 이슈에 관심을 가지면 학생들에게 좋은 점'을 설명하는 데 초점이 가 있어서 논점에 맞지 않는 부분들이 좀 있는 것 같아요. 글이 일관성 있게 주제에 대한 답변을 제시해줄 수 있도록 논점에 맞지 않는 부분들은 수정보완해보시면 좋을 것 같아요. 본론2에서 인터넷의 발달로 정치적 이슈를 접할 일이 더 많고 그래서 관심을 더 많이 갖게 된다는 흐름 자체도 좋은 주장이 될 수 있습니다. 모델에세이를 응용할 때는 논점에 맞지 않는 부분들이 생길 위험이 있으니 유의하면서 연습해주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 수고 많으셨습니다~! Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3.5/5 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following : - Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated (문제의 요구사항을 대부분 잘 해결함) - Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications and/or details (적절하고 충분한 설명과 예시를 사용하며 대체로 글의 구성과 전개방식이 양호함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections (중복된 내용이나 관련 없는 내용, 불분명한 연결이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 드러남) - Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning (글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임) |