▶ Your Answer : Some people think that people enjoy their lives less than those in the past. However, in my opinion, people who live today can feel more enjoyable time. The reasons are that there are a lot of cultural activities that emerged recently and people have more freedom of travel.
To begin with, many entertainments such as a musical, movies and sports games can satisfy more people in today's society. In the past, much of these programs did not exist. However, tThese cultural resources activities provide modern people with enormous vigor. For example, there was a poll conducted by a professor at the Seoul National University with 200 elder people as respondents. The purpose of this survey was to understand the consensus view about quality of their lives. What the professor found was intriguing. The majority of respondents replied that they can experience much more exciting programs these days than in the past. This is because a number of funny entertainments were created and these things give them a lot of vigor. This proves that people can enjoy their lives better in today's society.
On top of that, people can travel other places more easily. As technologies improved, an airplane allows people to move to wherever they want. 여행을 다니는 것이 삶의 행복도와 만족도와 무슨 관련이 있는지도 함게 설명해주세요. For instance, when I was an university student, I felt bored about my life boring since I only studied everyday. So I decided to travel anywhere. I happened to watch a television show about the America. I bought a plane ticket immediately and went to the America 3 weeks after. In the America, there was ample excitement, which means that I could alleviate my stress from study. If there were not the airplane, I could not relieve my stress.
To sum up, these days, people feel more freedom and experience enjoyable activities a lot. In this regard, I firmly believe that people can enjoy their lives these days more than in the past.
Comment : 즐길거리가 더 많아지고 이동의 자유가 더 커져서 좋다는 내용을 잘 생각해주신 것 같아요. 본론 내용을 풀어낼 때 주제와 연결지어서 내가 제시한 내용들이 '오늘날 사람들이 더 행복하게 지낼 수 있는 이유'와 무슨 관련이 있는지를 더 보완해주세요. 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함) |