▶ Your Answer : Some people think that caring a pet is the most effective method for children to learn a sense of responsibility. They probably feel that children can reap a lot of benefits from the experience. However, in my opinion, taking care of a pet is not the best way to develop responsibility. This is because it is dangerous and difficult for children to deal with a pet.
To begin with, raising a pet is not the best way to teach children about responsibility since it might be dangerous to them. 와 같이 문단의 중심내용을 정리해서 먼저 보여주는 것이 좋습니다. Cchildren can be infected by their pets. They even get diseases from pets and these ailments are sometimes too harmful to the young, so their parents would separate their children and pets. Thus, children cannot learn many things from caring a pet. For example, when I was seven, I was out of control. So my parents decided to give me a cute dog and told me to feed the dog and play with the dog. They might have felt feel that I could develop responsibility by taking care of my little dog. However, two weeks later, my dog bited bit me at a park while whild I was playing with the dog. I was sent to a hospital and I got a serious cold. My father decided to give my dog to one of his relatives and I failed to learn a sense of responsibility from nurturing nuturing the dog. This is because sometimes pets can be a lethal danger to children, so their parents would discard the pets.
On top of that, it is too difficult for children to handle their pets. A child Children do not know well about how to care their pets. So, parents take care of the pets instead of their child in most cases. There was a poll conducted by a Korean pet company with 200 parents as respondents. The purpose of this survey was to understand whether a pet could affect a child's responsibility. What they found was intriguing. Most of the respondents responded that their children could not care their pets dogs or cats efficiently, so they took taked care of the pets instead. This proves that taking care of pets does do not help develop develpo a child's responsibility.
To sum up, taking care of a pet is dangerous to some children and it is very difficult. In this regard, I firmly believe that caring a pet is not the best way to learn responsibility.
Comment : 동물을 기르게 해서 책임감을 배우게끔 하는 것이 실질적으로 불가능하다는 점을 주장한 것은 좋은 전략인 것 같아요. 다만 주장에 대한 설명이 더 구체적으로 제시되면 좋을 것 같습니다. 오탈자와 문법오류도 꼼꼼하게 검토해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함) |