■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : Some people prefer to eat at food stands or restaurants. Other people prefer to prepare and eat food at home. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. |
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▶ Your Answer : Some people think that eating at food stands or restaurants is better than eating food at home. In my opinion, however, eating at home has more benefits than eating out; if we eat food at home, we can save money and eat healthier food than that of food stands or restaurants. It can be said that eating foods we cook at home brings wealth and health for us with while eating them at the comfortable atmosphere at comfort. (excellent introduction!!) To begin with, one of the most beneficial features of eating home-made dishes is that we can save more money than eating-out. Despite the fact that some restaurants offer cheap menus, the money for a meal at a restaurant is usually equal to that of weekly grocery expense. For example, in the USA, we have to give about 10 percent to 15 percent of the price of the food as tips to the waiter or waitress if we eat out. However, we can save that useless money by eating food at home. On top of that, a nutritious meal can be served to the family at home. Healthy food can be more easily cooked by when cooking at home. Although various restaurants try to provide organic food, the nutrition of home-made dishes is superior to that of restaurants. For example, in a renowned TV program, the announcer accused many restaurants of unhygienic kitchens and foods’ conditions. (excellent use of the word 'accuse'!!) Not only that, but In fact, chefs of the restaurants and food stands touched the food ingredients without washing their hands. However, ones who cook for their families or acquaintances will try to serve hygienic dishes. To sum up, eating food at home must be economical and the exact way to stay healthy in good shape. (good shape은 보통 운동이나 physical activity를 얘기할 때 씁니다. 식습관은 그냥 healthy or 'eat clean') Also, if we add the cup of love to the food we serve to our customers, it will be the good chance of the relationship, too. |
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점수: 26/30
아주 잘 쓰셨습니다.
특히 문법이 아주 좋습니다.
조금 틀린 부분이 있긴 하지만 아주 세세한 문법이고 이 부분에 대해서 조금만 노력하시면 문제 없을 것 같습니다.
구성도 괜찮고 logic이 있으며 단어 선택 또한 굉장히 수준급입니다.
conclusion이 조금 아쉽기는 합니다. 마지막 문장은 relationship이 갑자기 뜬금없이 나와서 불필요한 문장이 되어버렸습니다.
"That is the reason why I prefer to eat at home rather than food stands or restaurants." 이렇게 마무리 해주셨으면 더 좋았을겁니다.
항상 모든 에세이의 끝은 주제와 introduction으로 돌아가야한다는것을 잊지 마세요. restaurants 얘기 꼭 해주셔야해요.
다 괜찮았는데 conclusion이 너무 약했습니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*