■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
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▶ Your Answer :
At first glance, it may seem like there are more crucial factors when considering why people attend college or university. However, in reality, people attend college or university to gain new experiences for two indubitable reasons. Firstly, we can improve our ability (ability to what?) and secondly, we can meet a various kinds of people. To begin with, we can improve our experts skills when meeting many experts and people at college or university. To be specific, in my case, The reason why I entered the school was because that I wanted to improve my ability (to what?) by meeting eminent professors of design skills and to work working with friends in similar fields. For example, I met a many competent professors in collage (철자 오류 -> college) and got a many team projects (단복수 일치) in my major. As a result, I have grown specialized in the major skills I wanted to improve and study. Furthermore, many students can make a variety of friends while experiencing a variety of large club activities that they have never experienced in high school. In particular, this is due to the fact that most universities (단복수 일치) have international clubs for politics or nature, etc. Therefore they can meet friends from various countries a various country friends that they have joined same club. According to the New York Times, people who go to university is are more open-minded and happy because of they can meet many different a many various of people. This evidence proves that people go to university or collage (철자 오류 -> college) because of many students can to make a variety of friends. In conclusion, I am highly convinced that people attend collage (철자 오류 -> college) and university because of new experience for the two crucial reasons mentioned above. |
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점수: 19/30
1. 항상 tap 버튼 눌러서 문단의 시작을 들여쓰기 (indent) 해주세요.
2. The reason is because~ 는 틀린 문법입니다. The reason is that~ 이라고 해주세요.
3. A many는 틀린 문법입니다. a 는 singular noun에 붙는 관사로 이미 '많은' 이라는 뜻을 가지고 있는 many와 절대 같이 쓰일 수 없습니다.
4. 철자 오류가 잦습니다. college는 대학교를, collage는 사진 콜라주를 뜻합니다. 주의해주세요.
5. ability는 기본적으로 뒤에 뭐 하는 ability인지를 써주셔야 매끄러운 문장이 됩니다.
ex. the ability to play piano
ex. the ability to paint
이렇게요.
기본적으로 인트로, 콩클루젼은 각각 3문장, 바디는 6~10문장정도 되어야합니다. 전체적으로 분량이 너무 적습니다.
그리고 뉴욕타임즈 바디 (3번째) 는 굳이 필요했나... 라는 생각이 듭니다. happy하기 위해서 가는게 아니니까요. friends 내용은 2번째랑 상당히 많이 겹치는걸 볼수 있네요.
reasoning은 좋았습니다. (1번째, 2번째)
문법을 더 공부하시고 분량을 전체적으로 많이 늘려주시면 될 것 같습니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*