▶ Your Answer :
There are some
disagreements over whether or not it is more significant to maintain old
friends than to make new friends. Some people believe that old friends takes
priority over making new friends. My view, however, is that new friends can
have positive influence for people. This is because people can broaden their
perspective. Moreover, there is improved ability of sociable. people can improve their social skills through making new friends.
To
begin with, people can have a big picture from new friends. It is possible for
new friends to have a wide range of experience that they have acquired. Meeting
with a lot of new friends is able to provides people have with more opportunities to absorb
their knowledge which can act as a great help. By augmenting the web of
having relationship with new friends, people can discuss and share a wide array of
information. The enlarged web helps people who want to solve their problem to
solicit the help from new friends. They can be easy to resolve their problem
because of their experience. For example, with the sophisticated and developed
internet, it is easy for people to access the internet whenever and wherever
they want. Especially, the Face book that invented by Zuckerberg acts as function to
connect with a wide range of people without limitation. People make new friends
through the face book and share their idea (주장과 상관없는 예시). As a result, people can broaden
their perspective as they can make new friends in an easy manner.
In
addition, people can ameliorate their gregarious ability. People can learn
about how people can control and be familiar by making new friends. Even though
making new friends might be difficult at first, people would acquire and know
the method to make friends by being assimilated experience. Also, the
experience would assists in the company when people enter because employees
have a tendency to prefer the sociable characteristic. For instance, recently,
most of companies tend to view the gregarious inclination when they engage.
This is due to the fact that job seeker might not be adapted in the environment
of company when they enter. Especially, Sam Sung than mainly invent the cell
phone asks to job seeker about their activities before they apply.
[Score] 17-19 [Feedback] -Conclusion 필요 - 혹시 번역기나 무분별한 사전을 이용하고 계시다면 삼가주세요~ 문장들이 전반적으로 말이 되지 않습니다. - 내용도 마찬가지입니다. 관련이 있는, 주장을 뒷받침 해줄 수 있는 예시를 들어야해요. Topic sentence는 좋으나 supporting idea가 연관성이 없습니다. - 자신의 생각을 간결하고 명확한 문장으로 만드는 연습을 열심히 하세요~
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