Some people might think that
caring for a pet is the best way to learn responsibility. I, however, strongly
insist that caring for a pet can be is not the best way but only one of the
methods to increase responsibility for the following two reasons.
To begin with, caring for a pet is
beneficial to develop a sense of responsibility for a child in that caring
makes people more sincere. Given the fact that a pet cannot sustain their
live its life without a person’s care in
this present, a child has to keep his or her eyes on the pet continuously. This
fact makes children to care about their pets more sincerely,
thus increasing their responsibility and enhancing the bond between a child
them and a the pet. For instance, my younger
brother had a dog ten years ago. When he went to on a vacation, he
did not take care of the puppy at a moment, thus the puppy was easily
infected by a disease. By means of this experience, he begun began to take care of
his pet more sincerely, thus becoming responsible for his puppy.
However, caring a pet can
not be is the best way for a child to learn responsibility.
The animal–human relationship and the human-human relationship are different. People
communicate with languages and share more social activities, while anima-human
humans can not only communicate with animals through body languages
or eye contacts but also interact with a confined activities. In
this regard, the human-human relationship is more sophisticated and detailed
than those of the animal-human relationship. (동물-인간 관계를
인간-인간 관계랑 비교하는 게 애완동물을 키우는 행위와 책임감의 관계와 상관이 없습니다.) Furthermore, there are children
who dislike and are afraid of a pets. For this type of kids, caring
for a pet can be not an educational tool but a
nightmare, causing a sense of apprehension.
To sum up, a pet needs someone’s care, thus
requiring a sense of sincerity and increases increasing the bond between a pet and the
care owner. However, the human-human relationship are is more sophisticated than that
of the animal-human. Also, there are children who has apprehension to a pet. In
this respect, I strongly argue that caring a pet cannot be the best way, but
one of the methods to increase children’s responsibility.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Fair (17-23) |
Score |
17 |
Overall
Comment: |
문법 오류들은 위 지적사항들을
참고하세요. 두 번째 문단의 예시가 아쉬워요. 대인관계가 어떻게 주제랑 관련이 있는지 보이지가 않습니다. 문법 오류도 잦으시니 위
지적사항들을 참고하세요. |
|