▶ Your Answer : Undoubtedly, a teacher plays a significant role in people’s life. Some people advocate that a
teacher’s ability to have a good relationship with students is more important
than the ability to educate, while others do not. (주제 문장 copy해서 작성하지 마시고 paraphrase해 주세요) Both sides may have their own
reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that
having a good relationship between students and teachers is more important than
education skills. There are several reasons as follows.
First of all, good
relationship between students and teachers helps student to succeed. To be
specific, good relationship implies there are a lot of communications going on from one another. If students have questions or want to consult for their future plan,
they would freely contact their teacher. It leads to favorable results in
school. For example, many research team, including Seoul National University,
analyzed data from two groups of students. One group was consisted of those who had
regular communication time for good relationship with teacher, and the other
group was made up of those who had no communication time with their teacher.
Researchers found that the former was more likely to achieve higher score on
the SAT than the latter by 30 percent. This is because the first group showed a
longer attention span and positive mind. On the other hand, the second group
got distracted easily and had poor understanding on their class. Therefore,
good relationship encourage students to succeed in school. - 학생들의 미래의 성공에는 선생님의 끊임 없는 조언과 공감이 있다는 점을 내용에서 조금 더 부각해주세요.
In addition, good relationship
is conducive to teacher’s development. In other words, if teachers communicate
with their students to make good relationship, they can get useful feedbacks
from students. These feedbacks include what students really want or which
points are difficult to understand for student; this helps teacher to improve
their education skills. In my experience, when I was a high school student, my
teacher was so young that it was easy to make a good relationship with him. Even
though the teacher did not have long experience in his field, he got a prize for the best teaching award in our school. Hence, the ability of making good
relationship rather than lecture skill is more important for teacher to make
better result in their work. (주장의 반복이 아닌 결론과 연결 될 수 있는 point를 만들어주세요: 선생님이 학생들의 조언을 많이 수용하여 더욱 좋은 교수법을 터득했고 이 점이 그 선생님이 상을 받은 계기가 되었다 등)
All things considered, I
strongly believe that maintaining good relationship is more important than having competence in lecture for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all,
keeping good relationship enables not only student but also teacher to make the
best outcomes. (주제에 대한 이유를 간략히 요약 + 결론 제시해주세요)
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
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GOOD
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FAIR
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FAIR
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GOOD
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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