▶ Your Answer :
These days, some people think that the circumstance of the environment will not be improved in the coming years. They may think that in that people keep exploiting the environment for their benefit. However, I do not agree with the opinion above because information and knowledge about environment are extending (What does it mean?) and environmental groups are increasing. To begin with, people can get more information and knowledge about environmental protection. (You mean these days?, How can they get more knowledge?) Generally, knowledge stimulates people to change their behaviors in a positive way and people can gain more knowledge about the environmental preservation with the help of the Internet. (Mention this on your thesis) For instance, I used shampoo everyday before. One day, I read an article that researchers found that using shampoo pollutes d the environment, especially, it causes d serious water pollution. I realized that my behavior could give a bad impact on the environment. Thus, I minimized shampoo consumption from since that day. On top of that, the number of groups that take action for environmental conservation are growing. People who are interested in environment issues make organizations and these groups play an important role in preserving environment by having people act for it. Nowadays, these kinds of groups which are helpful to improve the condition of the environment are increasing. (For what reason?) When I was in a college, my school had a garbage problem on the streets. My friend and I found that the lack of garbage cans on the streets was the main cause of it. Thus, we made an environmental club with some friends and appealed our opinion to the school repeatedly. Finally, the school decided to put more trash cans and we kept letting students know about how to solve the garbage problem. Consequently, students participated in taking cleaning up trash and the streets became a lot cleaner than before. To sum up, I believe that the condition of the environment will be better in coming years. This is because information and knowledge about environment and environmental groups which play a significant role in conserve the environment keep increasing.
| 채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 2 | 1 | 2 | Score | Limited 12-17 | - 첫 번째 thesis에서는 internet이 knowledge를 얻는 매개체라는 점을 강조하여주세요. - 모든 논지에 근거를 제시해주실 수 있어야 합니다. - 문장 구조와 예시가 too simple합니다.
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