▶ Your Answer :
Nowadays, many children learn
about money in Korea. Some people may argue that in order to become financially
responsible adults, children should not learn to manage their own money at a
young age. However, I believe that in order to become financially responsible
adults, children should learn to manage their own money at a young age.
Children should learn to manage their own money at a young age because
learning to manage money helps children know the importance of money. They are able
to learn the value of money. For example, when I was 9 years old, my mother taught
me to manage my money. That time, I received some money every one month because
my mother wanted that I knew me to know the value of money. I wrote notes that on how much I spend money
spent and earned money from my parents. Writing the notes made me know money's value
and importance. Thus, I did not spend money carelessly. This habit made me save
money, and now, I became a financially responsible adults because I always save
half of my paycheck and put it into savings. Hence, children should learn to manage their own money at
a young age.
Children have to learn to manage their own money at a young age because
they are able to know economic idea.the concept of economics. Getting economic idea the concept of how the economy works allows children
to distinguish money (from what?). For example, when my brother was 10 years old, my mother taught
him to manage his money. Thus, he could distinguish what to buy things or what do not to buy
things. This habit made him do not waste of money, also and he also learned to save some
money. When he dropped by a toy shop, he wanted to get action hero toys, but he
did not buy it because he had already had a similar with the toy. He learned to never spends
money on buying similar products. Now, he has does not wasted money and he saves a
lot of money. I think that he became financially a responsible adults. Therefore,
children should learn to manage their own money at a young age.
In conclusion, learning to manage money helps children know the importance
of money. In addition, they are able to know economic idea. the concept of saving and spending. As a result, in
order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage
their own money.
[Score] 24-25 [Feedback] - "Children have to learn to manage their own money at a young age because..." 이 문장이 너무 자주 나옵니다. 같은 뜻에 다른 문장을 만들어 대체 해 주세요. - 예시는 매우 좋았습니다. - 명사가 나오기 전에 관사를 붙여주세요. - 현재형과 과거형 중에 한 개를 선택해 시제를 맞춰주세요.
|