▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that
following career as their parents do will be better for people because they can
be supported much more by their family. However, in my opinion, selecting a job that is in a different field from what their parents do is better because people can learn how to
deal with different situations and have more possibility to develop themselves.
To begin with, people can learn
how to overcome the hardship. To be more specific, people can search what parts
they like, which field they are interested in, and in which field they excel. In the process of finding one's career path, he or she can learn the
challenging mind to overcome challenges at work, which is important for young people. For instance, my older
brother and my father are both lawyers. and he is in the same field as my father, who is a lawyer. However my brother is very vulnerable to challenges he faces at work does not
have much challenging mind because he did not have much hardship while becoming a lawyer.
Contrast with this situation, I am an engineer. To become an engineer, I have
encountered lots of challenge things while finding what I like best and
learned how to think in the different situation while solving the problems. (나는 엔지니어가 되었고, challenge를 극복할 수 있는 인재가 되었다는 내용도 추가해주세요)
On top of that, people can
develop themselves. (too broad하다고 볼 수 있는 내용입니다. 구체적으로 어떻게 어떤 부분을 develop하는 지 적어주세요) What I mean is that Because people would choose their field
with what they enjoy most, they would keep contact with famous people in their
field. While talking with them, people will learn lots of things and develop
themselves. For example, I had a chance to participate in one of the famous
groups in my field. I talked with lots of famous people in the group. In their,
I could catch a new idea which led to me graduating the school. 유명인과 대화할 수 있는 것과 직업을 부모님과 다르게 택하는 것 사이에서 논리적인 설명이 부족합니다. 해당 에세이에서는 부모님과 다른 직업을 택할 경우 - 일찍 난관을 극복하는 방법을 배운다 - 나에게 꼭 맞는 길을 찾을 수 있다 등의 이유가 적합합니다.
Selecting different career with
parents is advantageous for people because they can have challenging mind and
develop themselves. In this regard, I think selecting other jobs related with
parents is better than choosing the same field.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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LIMITED
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LIMITED
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LIMITED
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FAIR
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FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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