▶ Your Answer : Without doubt, school
subjects plays a role in people's daily lives in many of the places where they
work or play. There might be some people who believe that art and music class
should mandatory subjects in school as well as math, history, science and language,
while others do not think this way. Both sides may have their own reasons to
support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that kids should able
to expose their emotion and relieve stress if they have art and music subjects
as mandatory ones. There are several reasons and examples as follows.
First of all, when children
have art class, they will be able to learn how to express show their emotion. About In terms of art, children
draw in on paper when they have good or bad mood. This means For example, when they have good
feeling they depicted a picture with which bright colors, while when they are in another bad mood, children
illustrated things with dark colors. For examples, Wwhen my sister was a little young child, she
was always depressed. One day, my parents went to the hospital with her and the doctor
tested her with drawing. Finally, she depicted a picture which colored dark with her
emotion and the doctor showed our parents how she sad and unhappy she was. After then, my
sister drew draws her emotion every single night to parents. Consequently, she is
able to show and control her emotion with art. 논제가 묻는 것은 '학교에서' 미술과 음악 수업을 필수과목으로 배워야 하는 것에 대한 의견이므로 미술치료와 관련된 내용은 논점에 맞지 않아요. 또한 예술수업을 통해서 감정표현을 배울 수 있다고 한다면 그게 왜 좋은지, 왜 중요한지 등을 설명해서 필수과목이어야 한다고 보는 입장을 더 뒷받침할 수 있도록 해주어야 해요.
All things considered, I
strongly believe that advantages of art and music subjects far outweigh those
of math, history, science, and language for the reasons I have mentioned above.
All in all, importance of art and music subjects cannot be overestimated in the
pursuit of the happiness in life.
Comment : 논제가 묻는 내용에 정확한 답변을 할 수 있도록 주장을 정돈해주세요. 미술과 음악이 필수과목이 되어야 하는 이유를 보여줘야 하는 글이므로 '미술과 음악 과목이 아이들에게 어떤 이점을 주는지'를 더 구체적으로 설명할 수 있도록 개요를 짜 주는 것이 좋습니다. 표현과 문장 연결에서 어색한 부분들도 검토해서 보완해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5 An essay at this level may reveal one or more of the following weaknesses :
- Limited development in response to the topic and task (문제의 요구사항에 정확한 답변을 하지 못한 경우) - Inadequate organization or connection of ideas (연결이나 구성이 부적절한 경우) - Inappropriate or insufficient exemplifications, explanations or details to support or illustrate generalizations in response to the task (설명이나 예시, 세부사항이 필자의 주장을 뒷받침하기에 부족하거나 부적절한 경우) - A noticeably inappropriate choice of words or word forms (부적절한 단어 또는 형태의 사용) - An accumulation of errors in sentence structure and/or usage (두드러지는 문장구조/사용 상의 오류) |