▶ Your Answer :
Students’ intellectual, social, and
personal development are highly influenced by the lectures of high school. With
this understanding, I believe that it is important for high school to allow
students to study the courses that students want to study for two reasons. This
is because studying the courses that students want to study enables students to
relieve stress and enjoy a better quality of life. (enjoy a better quality of life 의 경우 어떤 측면에서 삶의 질이 개선되는지를 분명히 설명할 수 있어야 합니다)
Firstly,
studying the courses that students want to study makes students to relieve
stress. Understanding the daily environment of the students and the potential
role of the self-choosing courses is necessary to substantiate this view. For
instance, many students have to patiently sit through to traffic to get to
school. Once they are at school, they have to endure many courses that they did
not want and forced to study more even at home. Such exhausting daily routine
repeats itself and eventually wears down students. As a way to manage the
ensuing stress, high school should permit students to choose the courses that
they want to study. This can help students to enjoy studying the courses
without a lot of stress. In addition, students can fresh their minds from the
intense mental pressure from academic subjects which did not want to study. In
this regard, I argue that studying the courses that students want to study
allows students to relieve stress. + 이를 뒷받침하는 구체적인 예시 (경험/통계/역사적 사실 등) 작성 필요합니다.
Secondly,
studying the courses that students want to study makes students to enjoy a
better quality of life. Interestingly, a renowned social scientist in South
Korea published an article in “The Korea Herald” last Tuesday which claims that
leaning the courses that students want to study enables students to strengthen
competitiveness in society. The article argues that the 84 percent of the 200
Korean leading recruiters prefer people who graduated from school wherein
permitted students to study the courses that they want to study. The recruiters
showed such tendency because they tend to be more independent and concentrate
on their task. In the long run, a sense of independent and the ability of
concentrating on the task enhance work performances. This is because they can
find more beneficial solutions of the problems and just focus on their works
without distracting their attention, which result in job promotion and
ultimately enjoy a better quality of life. I thought of this report because the
results of the survey resonated with my thoughts. (이유는 better quality of life 만이 아닌 "자율적인 수업 선택을 통해 독립심을 기르고 이는 이후 직장을 구하거나 인생을 사는 데 있어서 중요한 asset이 된다" 처럼 자세하게 / 문장의 흐름이 더욱 매끄러울 수 있게 구체적으로 작성해주세요)
To
sum up, I believe that students should be allowed to study the courses that
students want to study by high school for the following reasons: relieving
stress and enjoying a better quality of life. Consequently, the importance of
my view cannot be underestimated for the reasons I have mentioned above.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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GOOD
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FAIR
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LIMITED
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FAIR
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FAIR
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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