▶ Your Answer :
Some
people think that parents should prevent from watching their children to study
hard. However, in my opinion, in order to encourage
children to study harder, parents should agree children to watch television.
The reasons are that children have to relieve their stress by enjoying
television and the TV programs have educational contents.
To begin
with, children can get rid of their stress through watching TV. Nowadays, most of the children should study much time at
school or libraries. Therefore, eliminating their stress is very important to
them. Watching TV is one of the most easy ways to
relieve their streess. For example, when I was a senior in a university,
I always had lots of stress. So, I could not focus on my class subjects at
school. Sometimes, I visited the local hospital hostipal.
However, a couple of months later, I found a good method
mothod to improve my mind. It was to
watch TV such as enterprises or dramas and so on.
On top of
that, the TV program have educational contents and channels. It is very useful
to improve children's knowledge skills. Also, there are diverse channels about
education such as languages and musics and sciences. For example, Wwhen I lived in a local
city, I could not attend an English class. This
was because there was no were not the
academy about it. However, I could study it by
watching TV programs on a regular basis.
On
sum up, parents have to let their children watch television. This is because
children can not only eliminate their stress but also study efficiently by watching the educational TV programs.
Fair (17) 글자 수 300자 미만입니다. 미니멈 글자 수 채우지 못하면 감점됩니다.
서론 -철자 오류 encourge-->encourage
첫번째 본문 -철자 오류 Nowdays--> Nowadays -one of +복수 -철자 오류 hospital -철자 오류 method -파란 부분 더 자세히 써주세요. improve my mind가 나의 공부와 어떻게 연결이 되는지 써주세요.
두번째 본문 -대소문자 오류 When-->when -a local city 명사 앞에 관사 -academy 단수 이므로 was no 로 바꿔주세요. -파란 부분 더 구체적으로 써주세요. 티비로 공부해서 실질적으로 영어가 어떻게 늘었는지 써주세요.
결론 -efficiently 한 부분을 본문에서 더 설명해 주셔야 글의 설득력이 올라갑니다.
글자 수 늘려주세요. 내용도 더 구체적으로 보충해주셔야 글의 설득력이 높아집니다. 문법 실수, 특히 철자 오류 연습해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~
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