▶ Your Answer :
Various opinion may exist over the argument that which one is the most
useful way to improve the environment, increasing the access to public
transportation, planting trees to create parks, and or persuading people to use plastic bags. As far as I
am concerned, I believe planting trees to build parks is the best choice for
enhancing the environment. The two ideas stated below can be valid evidence to
support my view.
First of all, investing in building more parks is an excellent method for
improving the environment since it can provide fresh air for people. Today,
many people are living in a harmful world where they
are surrounded by air pollution. Consequently, we have to worry about
air conditions and monitor its changes for our children. In this circumstance,
parks and trees can give fresh air for nearby
areas and it is also able to
filter dust and negative chemicals from the air. According to a research by a
renowned professor, Simon Choi from YUK (YUK가 무엇의 약자인지 적어주세요), 5 trees can filter 90% of the micro dust in a 2 by 2 meter area. He also mentioned that this air
filtering function is more effective in a city than a countryside because the
air stream is slower in a city. He concluded that this result shows us an
the importance of parks in a city and that the number of parks should be increased for
reducing air pollution. Therefore, building more parks could enhance the
quality of surrounding environments.
On top of that, planting trees and building parks is beneficial because people
can have more places to relieve stress. The "Environment"
is not only measured by natural factors but also calculated by a satisfaction
of surrounding circumstances in a modern
society. Many people today suffer physically and mentally with too much stress
so they need more places where they can find emotional relief. People can take
a rest and feel comfortable in a park with trees. If people can have a park
nearby their home and access which could be
accessed easily, they would be more satisfied with
their lives and environments. An anonymous poll conducted by a Facebook Survey Page supports my viewpoint. The poll
surveyed 1,000 Koreans between age 10 to 60 along with questionnaires. When there
they were asked about conditions for living,
more than 70 percent of the respondents answered that the existence of a place
for refreshing minds and feeling relaxed is the
most important factor to choose a location of home. Some people also
commented that many people tend to live around a park, river, and mountain so
the rental fee of the area is much higher than other regular places. (굳이 넣지 않아도 되는 문장이에요) The result of this poll
sufficiently prove my opinion is compelling.
To sum up, I believe that my explanations above sufficiently prove the
advantage of creating parks. Obviously, the significance of reducing air
pollution and provide providing a place
to relieve stress cannot be overemphasized enough. Hence, in order to acquire
these benefits, building more parks with trees is a the better decision.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Good (24-30) |
Score |
24 |
Overall
Comment: |
전체적으로 매우 논리적을 잘
쓰셨습니다. 다만 불필요한 문장들이 좀 있어서 글이 길어지는 경향이 보입니다. 조금 더 간략하고 효율적으로 글을 쓰시는 연습을 하셔야 할
것 같아요. 문법 오류도 있으니 위 지적사항들을 참고하세요. |
|
|