▶ Your Answer :
A government has the potential to fund a research project which may affect a large number of
people and society. Some people may argue that a government should only fund a
practical research project, while other contends that other projects which
follow an ideal pursuit also need to improve for the sake of well-being of citizen. Concerning both sides, I agree so
far that governments investing on research project that can solve an impeding problem of society is more
important because it is directly related to the well-being of people. However,
the following essay will argue that why this may not always be the case. (지나치게 complex한 문장보다는 정확하게 주장을 파악할 수 있는 간결한 문장구조가 더 좋습니다)
Admittedly, a
leader should focus on a project which has a high potential to create useful
results when he funds a research project. The first reason I have such a view
is that a government has a responsibility to improve the well-being of citizen.
People might be satisfied with their life if the basic components of life such as
proper salary, education, or temperate house price are regulated well. A
research project which makes useful results for people is directly correlated
to the satisfaction of citizen. There are so many argent research projects that
a government should invest to solve the problem in our society as soon as possible; poverty, education,
and tax regulation. In addition, the amount of funding and attention from a
government is limited, so it is important to prioritize the funding of a
research project based on its practicality.
However, our
logical thinking allows us to believe that this is not always be warranted by
several reasons. Although impending project are seemingly more important than a
research project which cannot be anticipated useful results immediately, a
research project which has no practical purpose has its own value and
importance. In the art and music part, for example, it seems that it cannot
improve people’s well-being directly. However, it is able to improve emotional
aspects of human and create a new travel place. (to go where?) Furthermore, a government
should prepare for future problem such as war or depletion of water. For example, a
research project related to space exploration is inevitable research to find a
proper planet which have proper environment to live in.
To sum, I believe
that a leader should prioritize government funding to offer proper development
in diverse research project and solve an impending problem in society. Although
a research project that has a potential to make useful results is more
important at first glance, a leader should not ignore other research topic in
order to prepare future issue.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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FAIR
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FAIR
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LIMITED
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GOOD
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GOOD
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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- 주어 동사 수 일치 이슈 - 주장하고자 하는 바가 매우 불분명합니다. 결국 중요한 것은 diverse research projects that are not practical 또한 중요하고 투자해야 한다는 주장에 동의할 경우 intro에서도 강력하게 I는 not practical또한 중요하다는 내용으로 시작하고 반대 측 입장에 지나치게 동의/support하는 내용 대신 주장을 positive하게 지지할 수 있는 이유 (사람들의 감성을 풍부하게 하는 것 등) 등을 강조하여 작성해주세요.
- 미래를 대비하는 것 또한 실용적이라고 볼 수 있습니다 |