▶ Your Answer : Based on their experiences and understanding of the world, some people might say that getting adivice form older adults is better than getting advice from peers. However, I’m strongly convinced that asking peers for advice is quite better. As friends are usually facing the same circumstances thus and understanding my problem better and sharing similar values in personal life, it would be more beneficial to get advice from peers than from older adults. To begin with, peers can easily notice what problem one is facing exactly.the exactly problem I faced is. Since I people have many surrounds many things in common with their my friends, their friends can readily sympathize with me. For instance, older adults sometimes gives me advices which is not appropriate for reality, because they only think about their experiences, which can be long time ago. However, since peers usually know the current situation, the advice from peers will be very practical for me. Thus, it is safe to argue that getting lessons from peers is beneficial for me people. In addition, since we are in the same generation and social rank, we usually share personal values in life. All of the people keep have their most own important value in mind, when they have to make a significant decision. Also, people in the same generation usually have similar experiences during their life. Consequently, I have similar perspectives toward the world with my peers, more than older adults. Therefore, friends can give me an advice more in my own viewpoints. On the other hand, it is hard to have similar personal values in common with older adults. If I make a decision influenced by older adults, the results could be very different with from what I expected due to the gab of out personal values. In conclusion, the advice from peers will be practical and match with my own perspective better. Therefore, I strongly believe that getting advice from friends will help me better overcome many troubles that I faced better than getting advice from older adults.
[Score] 22-24 [Feedback] - 전반적으로 나쁘지 않은 에세이입니다. 글의 구조나 흐름도 좋고 전달하고자 하는 바도 간결하게 잘 전달하였습니다. - 다만, 문법적 오류가 조금 있고 (많진 않아서 충분히 더블체크를 통해 줄이실 수 있을 것 같아요) idea 1과 2의 차이가 그리 크지 않아서 내용적인 측면에서 조금 아쉽습니다. 두 아이디어를 차별화 할 수 있는 구체적인 예시가 있다면 조금 나을순 있을 것 같아요. - 마지막으로, 예시가 아닌 주장하는 문장에서는 we 나 I 를 사용하지 않습니다. People 이나 one 으로 일반화시켜서 대상을 지칭해주세요~ |