▶ Your Answer :
It is debatable whether students with tidy rooms achieved than those with messy ones. Some people think that it is true but the other is not. (Too simple) This is a veers round in opinion because this will bedifferent from individual’s perspective and experience. In my opinion, students with tidy rooms reach greater success than those with untidy scatter ones. There have several reasons for this opinion. To begin with, it is important to keep their room tidy because of their mind. (What does it mean?) In other words, keeping their room tidy is good for their mind to become comfortable. Moreover, tidy room will enhance their concentration while they are studying.(This sentence is more apt for thesis) For instance, during a when I taking was grade 7 in a mid-term test period when I was in middle school, I used to study with dirty room because at that time I was too very lazy, (Explain the following problem) but in a final test of grade 7, I tried to clean my room during the study before the final starts. Incredibly, the result was different. The grade when I studied in tidy room was better than the study in dirty room. It proves that the clean room enhance their concentration On top of that, a person, who used to clean room while he is studying, will form a good habit. In other words, he could organize anything. For example, a habit of cleaning room can lead to a habit of planning. Moreover, those can lead to a habit of responsibility. Lastly, some people think that tidy room consumes a lot of time and energy, which as a result make students tired and inefficient. Many students today are busy with their life full of assignments and responsibilities and they feel pressure on cleaning their rooms. However, cleaning room is are not consuming a lot time. If they clean their room every time they change the subject and one book on their desk, that will not consume a lot time. All things considered, all above this is my opinion of tidy and dirty rooms. In my opinion, it is important to clean their room while they are studying. This thing will change their life. We should never forget the importance of room tidy.
| 점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 3 | Score | Limited 15-18 | - 불필요한 어구가 너무 많이 보이고, 제시된 근거가 상당히 부족한 편이에요. - 어색한 그래머 사용에 더욱 유의해주셔야 합니다.
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