▶ Your Answer :
There is some disagreement over whether or
not in this changing world, people are less happy than they were is the past. Some
people believe that people who lived in the past were more joyful than people
who live in the present because past people did not didn’t have to worry about not only
searching for a working place but also complicate human relationship. However,
in my opinion, past people were more suffered than current people do. This is
because human right was not considered in the past. Moreover, they had to be
concerned about food problems.
To begin with, the right of the past human
was not wasn’t as much as developed than that of present human. It is no secret that a
lot of discrimination was a common things at that time. In the past, a protection
law of the discriminations such as sexism and racism were not enacted and
people did not didn’t want to take care of “nonperson” because they are also hard to
live. But nowadays, people in the present are more equal than past person
because of that kinds of law. The Korea ministry of Health and Welfare recently
conducted a study where women right have been improved in order to identify. Comparing
with the past, seventy percent of the laws or welfares that ban the
discrimination were significantly increased than a hundred years ago. The study
convincingly affirms that the right of social-weaken is more greatly performed
in now.
Furthermore, people in the past was so difficult
that they could not can’t gain any food to eat. These days, people are able to get lots
of food whenever and wherever. In contrast, it was agriculture society so
people were depended on the nature phenomenon. If their fields are too barren
to plow, they have to die from hunger. For example, when I was child, I had
used to visit my grandparent’s house in countryside. At first, I had enjoyed
the fresh air and the clean environment but as times goes on, I wanted to go
home early because the nearest market place from grandparent’s house was
already 10 miles apart. So when my relatives prepare dinning time, they had to drive
almost 2 hours to go there. As a result, it was always starving memories when I
recall at that time. Based on my personal experience, it was not easy for people in the past men did not easy to
win their food.
To summarize, past people were are more miserable than
modern people because people in the past were more likely to ignore moral standard
of the poor and they had difficulty to get enough food. In this regard, I think
the past society humans were less happy than that of present humans.
Good (24) 축약형 지양해주세요. didn't-->did not wasn't-->was not
첫번째 본문 -affirm-->affirms the study 단수
두번째 본문 -can't--> could not 문맥상 과거이고 축약형 지양해주세요. -based on -마지막 문장, 바꿔준 표현으로 써주세요. 기존 표현 어색합니다.
결론 -문맥상 과거이므로 are-->were 내용/설명 괜찮습니다. 문법/표현 연습 필요합니다.
수고하셨습니다~~ |