▶ Your Answer :
As the number of universities interested in attracting top students is increasing every year, it is of great worth to discuss whether or not investing in Social Network Service is an effective way to draw good students. As far as I am I'm concerned, I am in favor of the latter argument for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, students are highly unlikely to pay attention to information that universities post on SNS. Basically, neither do students have spare time nor freely use smart phones or laptop to do Social Networking. According to my sister who is a high school teacher, not only students are interested exclusively in entertaining contents on SNS, even when they might do SNS, but also both schools and parents rigidly keep them from using electronic devices because they believe that this can distract students from concentrating on studies. Besides, majority of the parents are not favorable to admissions materials on SNS while go for homeroom teachers regularly counseling their children face-to-face on school choice with reliable sources. This implies that though SNS became common in society, school system and parents are still conservative now and then and spending money on this is not an intelligent decision. Another point to rememeber is that, investing in enhancing internal education system rather than SNS would be conclusive way to attract qualified students. If school spend too much money on SNS, this cause current students’ complaints, which negatively influence a college’s reputation. Without confidence for current students, no matter how they promote themselves on SNS, excellent students would not be fascinated to them. I am going to take rather extreme, but familiar example to support this argument. If current students think their tuition is spent on making profits like SNS, tThey might demonstrate against the school in front of the preside nt’s office. Then, mass media would quickly broadcast this. In the interview, the students would complain about school’s wrong investment like spending money lavishly on SNS and neglecting outdated facilities and insuffucient scholarship service, in spite of annul increase in tuition, perfectly ruining the college’s image. Then, promotion with eyecatching words or stunning images of the campus through SNS would not work in attracting qualified students.
As I have mentioned above, universities spending money on SNS is neither effective nor urgent in attracting applicants. I certainly disagree with the statement that univeirsities should spend a lot of money so as to attract many good students.
Good (24–30)
서론 -축약형 지양해주세요. I'm-->I am
두번째 본문 -대소문자 오류 -띄어쓰기 오류. president's -철자 오류 stunning
내용 괜찮습니다. 실수들 개선해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~
|