▶ Your Answer :
Some people think
that getting along with friends who are different from them is better than
getting along with friends who are similar to them. However, in my opinion, it
is better to have friends who similar to me than those who are different from
me. This is because you can enjoy hobbies and activities together and you feel
relaxed when you are with friends who are similar to you. (similar to ~ 라는 표현을 너무 반복적으로 사용하십니다.)
To begin with, people
who are similar to each other have similar
thoughts, character and value, so they can share
their time and enjoy it, by having meals
or doing exercise. That is, sharing similar things can make them do more things
together. For example, I have a few friends who are similar to me in many ways.
We are all active and are extroverts, so we all like to play soccer. They are team
members of my soccer team. We got to know each other, through playing soccer and having meal after soccer
games. Thanks to our similarity, we have been sharing time and doing the same hobby. It makes has made us closer. It is valuable to share similarities with friends. (문장들을 이어주는 through, by, because 와 같은 단어들의 활용이 부족합니다.)
On top of that, when
we meet someone who is different from me myself
in many aspects, we always thought think in
our heart that his or her behavior that is wrong to my thought is irrigating.
Contrary to this, when we meet someone who is
similar to me, we can understand easily his or her saying or behavior because
we have similar thoughts and habits. We can share time with him comfortably
in relaxed. For instance, there was a poll conducted by a psychology laboratory with 300 people as respondents to illustrate whether similarity
with an interlocutor could
affect their mental state. The majority of respondents said they are relaxed
when they thought the other had similar thoughts and appearance than different
thoughts and appearance. An overwhelming 73% had responded that. This is
because people tend to talk more when they talk with someone who is similar to
them, so they become open to him, feeling relaxed. This survey proves that it
is better to have friends who are similar to you than those who are different
from you.
To sum up, doing
activities with friends who possess similar
characters strengthens
your friendship with them. Also, you feel better with friends who are similar
to you. In this regard, I firmly believe it is more valuable to meet friends
who are similar to you that than those
who are different from you.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Fair (17-23) |
Score |
19 |
Overall
Comment: |
포인트는 잘 잡으셨지만, 전체적으로
문법 오류가 매우 많습니다. 위 지적사항들을 참고하세요. 또한, 같은 단어를 반복적으로 사용하는 경향이 있으시니 유의하시길
바래요. |
|
|