▶ Your Answer :
Some people might say that hiring famous
professors is more important than improving campus facilities, because famous
professor would upgrade the university’s image. However, I think that the most
important part is improving facilities, because student would like to study at
cozier and more sophisticated place rather than old buildings and this will
cause lead to the development of location the region that is nearby the university.
First of all, even though it is true
that famous professor gets the university’s image or fame up, the extent of
that may be confined. Because, because the upgrading university’s image is only
applicable on to students who want to attend that university. In contrary,
improving facilities such as computer labs and libraries would be effect on can positively affect not
only students but also people who live in nearby the university. For example,
improved building or the environment of the university will be good place to
jog or exercise for nearby people. They also can use improved gym during
vacation time. Therefore, it will be able to cause the fast development of the
city that is nearby the university as well. too. It is definitely beneficial to them.
Next, clean and sophisticated place
on of the university is going to get students can encourage students' self-directed learning. It is totally
true that good environment motivates students to study harder. makes the study will of students who is on the
university improve. For instance, improved computer lab provideds faster
internet than before is going to and makes students to study more efficiently. Moreover,
sophisticatedly improved library would have will provide students with more opportunities to focus on their
studying. They will be able to get more information easily than before. In
addition, there are is important possibility it is possible that students would conduct their
study more self-directed. It means that the improving facilities involves
upgrading will have the same positive effect which is same as hiring famous professor.
For
these reasons, I extremely agree with the reading’s comment statement that universities
should spend more money on improving campus facilities than hiring famous
professor.
[Score] 22-23 [Feedback] - 글의 구조와 주장을 뒷받침하는 근거의 내용은 좋습니다. - 다만, 문법적인 오류와 표현적인 측면에서 어색한 부분이 많습니다. 우선, 기본적인 문법 오류들을 피해주시고 (ex. run-on sentence/ 시제/ 수 일치/ 올바른 부사나 전치사 사용) 어색한 직독직해식 표현의 경우 sample writings를 많이 읽어보시는게 도움이 될 듯 합니다. - 그리고 두번째 문단의 경우 특히 불필요한 문장들이 많아서 핵심을 파악하기 어려우니 좀 더 다듬어주세요. 수고하셨어요~ |