▶ Your Answer : Some people consider household chores as something insignificant and trivial because probably their mother has been doing all the houseworks very well and people just do not realize how much efforts it is needed everyday and how many kinds things have to be done for housekeeping. 님꺼 두번째 첨삭인데 역시 문장수좀 줄이셔야될듯. 처음읽다가 오오~~왠일~ 이러다가 저 삭제한 문장보고 역시....쓰실때 고민되는 단어랑 문장쓰지마요. 점수가아파해요. In my opinion, I think it is better for children to spend their time to do houseworks instead of playing or studying as children can learn a lot from it and it can be a fun time as well. 좋아요 Main Idea는 : Learning 과 Fun time 으로 선정/ 스무스해요.
Above all, what children can learn from doing household chores is enormous. Housekeeping includes a wide variety of works such as washing dishes and doing laundries. From my personal experience, when I was young, I was very eager to do some household chores just like my mother and had plenty of questions for every act she took. really wanted to ask some technique regarding the works she had done when I was young. It is true that all mother has their own unique know-how for housekeeping. For example, when you wash the fruits, it is good to use baking soda which cleans all the germs or when you have stains on your clothes, it is useful to use kitchen soap to remove them. Learning from my mother’s wisdom was like another form of studying for me, such as science classes with some real experiments. These were all good examples of applications of what I learned from school. It can be also a very effective education method for children 굳이 구체적으로 첨삭안할깨요. 문제에서 묻는게뭐죠? 집안일을 해서 무엇을 배울수있냐가아니라 집안일 보다는 놀고 공부하는데 시간을 더써야한다. 즉 비교를 하셔야되요 이 두 논제를. 마지막문장은 마치, Describe some of the advantages that you could learn through engaging in household chores. 에대한 정답 같았어요.
On top of that, doing houseworks can give children more bonding with their mother which results in emotional stability of them. --> Where is Fun Time? Needless to say, a good relationship with mother plays an important role in mental health of children. By doing houseworks and spending time together at home children become to understand how their mother’s day goes and are able to be close to their mother. For instance, in my case, my mother has been a housewife for more than 30 years. I liked the fact that I could see my mother always when I went home and I used to talk to my mother what happened in school and how I felt that day during the time for housekeeping. Also, helping her out by participating in housekeeping was quite fun to me as well, just like playing a game. Many times I and my younger sister had competed, such as who finishes cleaning the room first and my mother was judge for this competition. All these time became a valuable memories for me now. I believe it affected a lot to form my personality and gave me such an emotional stability.
To sum up, children can play with friends and study with teachers at school. Likewise, children can learn a lot from their mother at home. Also, having enough time with their mother is definitely helpful for children’s mental health. In this regard, I support the idea that children should do houseworks rather than study or play.
총평 1.Intro 에 논제 2개제시 아주 좋았어요 2.허나 Body 2에서 Fun time이 나오질않았기에 통째로 Off Topic 처리
중요점: 문제에서 "Than" 이 들어가는 문제들은 쉽게 무시하시더라고요.. 이럴땐 A Than B 논제에서 A와 B를 비교를해주셔야되요. 일반적으로 A가 더좋다~~하고 A의 장점 단점 쓰시면 바로 20점이하로 추락해요.
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