▶ Your Answer :
Some people might argue that when we work by hand, it is more correct and easy. However in my opinion, working with machine has more advantages than with hand. This is because by making use of machine we can get things done faster and using machine has ve made our life much more convenient. ^ To begin with, machine helps people to work efficiently in their workplace especially in saving time. Time has enormous meaning and it is really important to save time in this world. If we can save more time than others, we can have a lot of strength and compete better with others. For example, a study was conducted by Gall Organization to determine how many influence machine has in a lot of companies. There were two groups of companies monitored. The first group was ere formed of companies that mainly worked with machine and the other group consisted of companies that did not use machine. The researchers compared the profit of the two groups. What they found was intriguing and the result was that the first group's profit was much more higher than the other group. This is because by using machine the companies could mass produce their products which made a lot of profits. This proves that machine is really useful for our life. ^ On top of that, machine can make our life really convenient. Our life has completely changed compared to the past. If in the past, people worked by hand for most things, now we can work in more easy way with machine. For example, I will talk about the story of my grandfather. He has ve farmed for about 50 years. In the past, he had to work for 8 hours everyday;, however today he does not have to work for such a long time everyday. This is because due to farming machine;, he can complete his work more quickly and easily. Therefore he has more leisure time than in the past and enjoys diverse hobbies. This proves that machine has positive impact on our life. ^ In a nutshell taking the efficiency and convenience of machine into consideration, the advantages of machine far outweigh those of handwork. In this regard, I firmly believe that working with machine is more helpful than with hand.
Good (24)
서론 -using을 받는 동사이므로 have-->has 첫번째 본문 -machine을 받는 동사이므로 help--> helps -the first group (단수) was -more higher-->중복적 표현
두번째 본문 -he(단수) has -,however 로 문장 두개 이을 수 없습니다. 주어+동사 ; however, 주어+동사 로 해주세요. -because due to -->중복적 표현/ 하나만 써주세요. -, 로 문장 두개 이을 수 없습니다. ;로 이어주세요. -단/복수 동사 변화
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