▶ Your Answer : It is often said that studying abroad is becoming popular alternative for many other students. There is a controversial issue regarding whether using it is beneficial for students to attend schools or universities outside their home countries. After taking into consideration of the idea from several perspectives, I personally agree with the idea that smart devices can raise students' study efficiency for two reasons. First, students can widen their perspectives. Second, they can improve multiple skills. ^ To begin with, studying abroad is helpful for students because they can broaden their perspective. This is because during studying abroad, they can meet many people and experience different culture, so they can have skill to understand cultural diversity. For instance, I went to England for three years to study. During this time, I felt many differences especially, culture part. First, I was embarrassed, but I adjusted their life-style a few months later, and I could an understand their culture. Without studying in other country, I would not have been able to understand cultural their differences. Therefore, studying abroad is good because people can widen their perspectives. ^ On top of that, studying abroad is helpful because an individual can develop multiple skills. The reason is students are able to build communication skill and social interaction skill during studying abroad. According to a research done by Havard University, 80 out of 100 of respondents have agreed that it is beneficial to study abroad to develop communication and social interaction skills. This is because they have to talk with unfamiliar people of other countries. In one case, students who are abroad are have more sociable than those who are studied only in their home country. This research shows that it is better to study abroad for developing multiple skills. ^ To conclude, I strongly argue that my standpoints of the two reasons are sufficiently convincing. First students can expand their horizons and second, they can enhance multiple skills.
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서론 -같은 문단 안에서 줄바꿈 하지 말아주세요. -줄친 부분 상관없는 내용입니다. 이 부분은 본인의 주장을 가장 직접적으로 드러내는 부분이므로 중요한 부분입니다. 유의해주세요. 첫번째 본문 -단/복수 명사 유의 -끝에서 네번째 줄에서, 문맥상 과거 이므로 can-->could -their 에서 their이 지칭하는 바가 모호합니다.
두번째 본문 -끝에서 세번째 줄에서, have 동사를 쓰시려면, have more social skills 로 써주시던가, are 동사 본문에 바꾼것처럼 써주세요. -같은 문장에서, who are studied는 수동태인데 문맥상 적합하지 않습니다.
수고하셨습니다~~
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