▶ Your Answer : People’s intellectual, social and personal developments are is highly influenced by their experience. With this understanding, I prefer an interesting and challenging job with less vacation. This is because an interesting and challenging job with less vacation enables people to live happier lives while a job with more vacation time but less fun can make them become complacent.
A job with more vacation time but less fun prevents people from enjoying a better quality of life by making them the become complacent. Interestingly, a renown social scientist in South Korea published an article in “The Korea Herald” last Tuesday which claims that a job with more vacation time but less fun can make people become complacent. The article claims that 62 percent of 200 Korean people believe a job with more vacation time but less fun promotes make them to think so mall<-?. This example demonstrates some of disadvantages of a job with more vacation time but less fun. 어떤 면에서 사람들을 complacent하게 만든다는 것인지 설명이 필요합니다.
On the other hand, an interesting and challenging job with less vacation enables people to live happier lives. Understanding achievement from challenging and the potential role of interesting and challenging job with less vacation is necessary to substantiate this view. An interesting and challenging job with less vacation enables people to break away from their daily routine to live happier lives. By diverting from the mundane things, people can have the opportunity to encounter new project to increase their life satisfaction. For instance, challenging a new project, such as product development has psychological benefits. It helps to detract from repeated routines repeats while generating self-confidence and motivation from completing a new challenge. In other words, an interesting and challenging job with less vacation provides the convenience for people to seek diversion that invokes feelings of pleasure and satisfaction. To sum up, I prefer an interesting and challenging job with less vacation. Consequently, the importance of my view cannot be underestimated for the reasons I have mentioned above.
Comment : 모델에세이를 사용해서 구조나 분량은 갖춘 답변이 되었지만, 답변의 내용이 질문 대한 이해를 충분히 보여주지 못하고 있다는 느낌이 들어요. 각 본론에서 안주하게 된다는 우려나 삶의 만족도를 높여준다는 주장을 제시한 것 자체는 좋지만, 그 주장에 대한 이유 설명이나 사례 제시가 너무 빈약합니다. 모델에세이를 응용하면서 주제에 맞게 내용을 잘 구성할 수 있도록 내용 고민을 더 많이 해주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 외운 티가 나는 답변은 감점요인이 클 수 있으니 조심해야 합니다. 문법오류도 더 꼼꼼하게 신경써주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5 An essay at this level may reveal one or more of the following weaknesses :
- Limited development in response to the topic and task (문제의 요구사항에 정확한 답변을 하지 못한 경우) - Inadequate organization or connection of ideas (연결이나 구성이 부적절한 경우) - Inappropriate or insufficient exemplifications, explanations or details to support or illustrate generalizations in response to the task (설명이나 예시, 세부사항이 필자의 주장을 뒷받침하기에 부족하거나 부적절한 경우) - A noticeably inappropriate choice of words or word forms (부적절한 단어 또는 형태의 사용) - An accumulation of errors in sentence structure and/or usage (두드러지는 문장구조/사용 상의 오류) |