▶ Your Answer :
It is of great worth to discuss whether or
not people have to gain information from various news resources to be well informed. well-balanced. While some people might agree with this statement, others might
disagree with it. is. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the notion that it is
better to get information from as diverse news sources as possible for following reasons.
First of all, people are prone to be less
partial when they obtain information from plenty of news sources. In
particular, if people get information from only a single news source, they are
supposed to accept the information with the source’s view point. On the other
hand, people who receive information from various channels could have an
opportunity to know different perspectives about the information. For example,
my cousin who has have invested in some securities subscribed to just one newspaper
to keep up with information of on the economy. Once he saw the article about that
Korea would will be about to tumble into recession in four years from the newspaper, he struggled to get the related information by using search engines such as Google. Due to
various diverse information about the recession, he behaved wisely by judging the present
situation. This indicates that information from various news sources helps people
to be well informed. well-balanced. 주장은 편향된 정보를 벗어나서 여러 관점으로 정보를 볼 수 있어 좋다는 내용인데, 사례 내용은 '편향성'과는 크게 관련이 없어 보여요. 주장과 직접적인 관련성을 보여주는 사례 내용을 제시해주세요.
Also, it is necessary to check the accuracy
of the news by comparing the information from diverse sources. This is mainly
because these days we are easily exposed to news containing wrong facts as the
information is written and conveyed very quickly. According to a survey
conducted by Seoul National University, researchers give respondents wrong
information once in a week in on average. 일주일에 한 번이라는 빈도 표현은 좀 어색한 것 같아요. 평균적으로 100개의 연구결과 중 약 8개 가량 오류가 있다, 하는 식으로 좀 더 주제와 맞는 표현을 사용해서 신빙성을 높여주세요. As a result, nearly 80 percentage of the
surveyed people responded that they try to discern the incorrect information by
reading more than three articles on the same topic from different news
resources. Additionally, they mentioned that they felt it a necessary to check the
correctness of the information from different sources. This explains well about
why we need to gain information from a variety of news resources to have exact information.
To summarize, it is definitely crucial to
hear information through many different sources not only to be get well-balanced view but
also to get correct information. For these reasons, I agree that people have to
acquire information not from a single source.
Comment : 편향되지 않은 정보 획득과 정확한 정보 획득 면에서 주장을 제시한 것은 아주 좋은 아이디어인 것 같아요. 주장을 뒷받침하는 사례 제시에서 신빙성이 약하거나 연관성이 떨어지는 부분들 위주로 보완해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 어색한 표현이나 문법오류도 꼼꼼하게 체크해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~! Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3.5/5 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following : - Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated (문제의 요구사항을 대부분 잘 해결함) - Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications and/or details (적절하고 충분한 설명과 예시를 사용하며 대체로 글의 구성과 전개방식이 양호함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections (중복된 내용이나 관련 없는 내용, 불분명한 연결이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 드러남) - Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning (글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임) |