▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that it is better for
people to get the news from sources that share their ways of thinking. However,
I believe that it is better for people to watch or read news provided by people
who think differently from them. This is
because watching or reading different news from sources that are different from their ways of thinking for their thinking enables people to broaden their perspectives while getting the news from having same thinking can make them think
so small.
Getting the news from sources that share
their ways of thinking prevents them from enjoying a better quality of life by
making them think so small (이 맥락에서는 조금 어색한 표현입니다 - making them narrow-minded). Interestingly, a renowned social scientist in South
Korea published an article in “The Herald Korea” which claims that getting the
news from sources that share their way of thinking can make them think so
small (이전 문장과 표현이 같아서 흐름이 좋지 않습니다 - .. published an article which supports this - 이렇게만 써주시고 그 내용에 대해서도 써주세요). My own experience demonstrates the disadvantage of getting the news from sources that share my thoughts and ideas having same thinking people. When my brother entered a large novel company, he had
to think various novel stories (의미 파악이 어려운 어색한 표현입니다). However, he did not have a lot of background
knowledge because he did not watch or read news provided by people who think differently from him different thinking
people. So he thought a story about small field, eventually fired that company (의미 파악이 어려운 어색한 표현입니다).
This example demonstrates one some of disadvantage of getting the news from people who think differently from oneself having
same thinking people.
On the other hand, watching or reading
different news from different sources for their thinking promotes people to broaden perspectives.
Understanding the importance of accepting various people’s thinking and potential
role of fresh news is necessary to substantiate this view (어색한 표현입니다). Watching or reading
news provided by people who think differently from them allows them to realize
new things to broaden perspectives. Indirectly experiencing various people’s
thinking different thoughts means opportunities to learn new ideas, because what is commonly
accepted as having same thinking people may not be the case in other people (해석이 어려운 문장입니다 - 내용을 보다 정확하게 전달해주세요).
Being able to shift perspectives helps (who?) to relate better to those with different thoughts various
thinking. In this regard, I learned that watching or reading different for
their thinking promotes people to broaden perspectives.
To sum up, I believe that it is better for
people to watch or read news provided by people who think differently from them
than getting the news from sources that share their way of thinking.
Consequently, the importance of my view cannot be underestimated for the
reasons I mentioned above.
Score: 12 Comments: - 제시하신 이유는 적절하나 어색한 표현이 많아 설명을 이해하기가 어려운 부분들이 있습니다. - 더 명확하고 논리적인 설명이 필요해보입니다. - 본론1에서는 'renowned social scientist'의 'article'을 언급하신 뒤로 그 article이 무슨 내용이었는지 구체적인 설명 없이 바로 본인의 경험으로 이어져서 흐름이 깨지고 있습니다. - 본론1에서 본인의 경험이라고 언급을 하셨는데 예시 내용은 'brother'의 이야기입니다. 그리고 예시 내용을 이해하기가 어렵습니다. 조금 더 명확한 설명이 필요합니다. - 본론1과 본론2는 결국 같은 이유입니다. 본론1: A로 인해 사람들의 생각이 좁아진다, 본론2: B를 하면 사람들의 생각을 넓힐 수 있다.
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