▶ Your Answer :
Some people believe that studying is the
most important thing for students, so University should spend most of their
money on libraries so as to help their students study. It is undeniable that it
is one of the major roles of University to makes it easier for students to study in a better educational environment. ,
and students should try to learn what they major in. However, I believe that University should spend the same amount of money on sports as they spend on
libraries. In the following paragraphs, I will explain why I think this way in
detail.
To begin with, sports will enable students
to maintain physical health. For students, it is very important to have strong
immune systems because robust immune systems make them less susceptible to
illnesses, such as cold and pneumonia, caused by viruses and bacteria. If
students come down with such diseases, they cannot focus on what they have to do. Considering
this aspect, they can benefit from sports a lot. This is due to the fact that physical
activities stimulate their immune cells to fight more actively against viruses
and bacteria so that they can have stronger immune systems. As a result, they
can prevent diseases which are caused by viruses and bacteria. A study
conducted by Tokyo University shows this is true. Researchers performed the
study with people of similar health status. Half of the people were required to
play sports regularly, whereas the other half were not. After a year,
researchers measured all the people’s immunity levels. The result was that, in
general, the people who did exercise regularly had more active immune cells and
higher immunity levels. This demonstrates that physical activities help people
have stronger immune systems, so they can maintain their physical health.
On top of that, sports will allow students
to keep mental health. Today’s students have various duties to do, such as work
and study, so it is very common for them to suffer from stress. Because even
low-level stress can disturb concentration and cause mental diseases, such as
depression and insomnia, it is vital for them to manage stress properly.
Considering this, sports can benefit students. This is attributed to the fact
that doing physical activities is so entertaining that students can forget
about their real-life issues while they are doing exercise. As a consequence,
they are able to avoid being stressed and relieve stress. My personal
experience can be a good example of this. Recently, I studied for my final
exam. Even the times when I was not actually studying, I was under severe mental
pressure. Therefore, it was very hard for me to concentrate on my study. One
day, my best friend advised me to play tennis, so I decided to take a study
break and play tennis with him. While I was playing tennis with him, I was able
to lost in myself without suffering from stress. In addition, after playing
tennis, I became feeling better. If I had not did exercise, I could not have
avoided being stressed.
To sum up, sports will help students maintain
both physical and mental health. In this regard, University should spend as
much money on sports as they spend on libraries.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 2 | Score | Fair 17-20 | - University 의 capital letter를 사용하신 이유가 무엇인가요?
- 내용이 상당히 길기 때문에 글의 명료함과 일관성을 많이 잃어버린 편이에요. 예를 들면, Library와 sports에 대한 academic한 내용을 주로 서술해주셔야 하지만, Immune system이나 disease등에 더 포커스를 맞추셨어요.
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