▶ Your Answer :
Some people believe that if teachers
are paid according to his or her students’ performance, it
would be beneficial for both students studnets
and teachers. However, I do not think this is a good idea in that this will be
very bad for both of them. In the following paragraphs, I will explain why I
think this way in detail.
To begin with, this will cause students
to suffer from stress. Today’s students have various
duties to do, such as work and study. Therefore, it is quite common for them to
suffer from stress. Because even low-level stress can disturb their
concentration and cause serious mental disease, such as depression and
insomnia, so it is vital for them to manage
stress properly. Considering this, the idea of teachers
being paid according to their student’ performance some people
will be very harmful to students. This is due to the fact that if students’ performance affects teachers earnings, teachers would push
harshly their students to study harder. As a consequence, students will not be
able to avoid being stressed.
On top of that, this will cause
teachers to suffer from stress stesss as
well. Nowadays, most teachers are living in capitalistic societies. They have a
lot of things to buy all the time, while their incomes are not stable and not
enough to buy everything they want. Therefore, it is reasonable for them to try
to earn as much money as possible. As a result, if teachers can make more money
by pushing their students, they cannot help pushing their students. However,
although some teachers are willing to do so, most teachers will hesitate to do
so and feel guilty. As a result, most teachers will suffer from severe stress
caused by their sense of guilty.
In short, it
is a bad idea that teachers’ earnings should be based on
their students’ performance because this will make both
students and teachers suffer from stress.
Good (24-30) 서론 -철자 오류
첫번째 본문 -두개 이상 문장 이으실 때는 등위접속사 필요합니다. 이 경우에는 문맥상 so가 어울립니다. -빨간 부분, some people이라고 쓰시면 전혀 의미 전달이 되지 않습니다. 최대한 구체적으로 써주세요.
두번째 본문 -철자 오류
두 본문 내용 괜찮습니다. 언급된 부분들 개선해주세요. 수고하셨습니다~~
|