▶ Your Answer :
As being staying away/apart from each other is like a double-edged sword, it has its own advantages and disadvantages. (Sounds bit awkward) After all, each and every topic or question requires careful deliberation in that there are always multiple variables to a truth. Although some people may adamantly believe that it is better to let others know the importance of one by keeping a distance from them, I strongly think that such opinion lacks coherence to some extent. In my humble opinion, one should spend more time together with others to improve relationships for the following reasons.
To begin with, being in a close distance staying closer with others is better for one to promote having good relationships with them. This Being with others allows one to socialize well with each other by getting to know and understand better (Mention the points that people are going to understand)each other. By doing this, one would become to appreciate others’ existence in his or her life. For instance, when my sister was in high school, she was depressed thinking that her life became an exhausting routine. In order to survive in a competitive world, she had to spend the whole day studying. Although she tried her best, it was difficult for her to receive straight A’s because everyone else was trying as hard as she was. Fortunately, she was able to get over with her depression by spending some time with our father after school. She was able to seek for advice simply by having a conversation with him. He suggested her to have a more frequent breaks in between studying in order to relax and recharge her batteries. The advice actually worked out for her as she was able to have more energy put into working and being active after taking some time off from studying. By interacting with him and receiving advice from him, she was able to connect with him easily and promote their relationship. Through this experience, she felt the importance of his presence in life. If he was apart from her and not interacted with her, she would not have listened such a good advice from him appreciated him.
In addition, being apart from others keeping distances will negatively affect one’s relationship with others. When one is far away from others, people might invest more time in making new friends rather than maintaining relationships with another. Such an investment in time and energy in forming new friendships will deter them from thinking about another. For example, when I was in elementary school, my best friend was Tom who lived in the same apartment as I was. Although we were in different classes, we always went back home together. However, after we fought due to trivial things, I kept a distance from him. I went back home alone and did not talk to him in order to let him realize the preciousness of me. Even though Tom tried to reconcile with me by giving me presents initially, he gradually started to ignore became to not care about me and socialize with his other classmates. He hung out with them by going to an amusement park and studying with them after school. Since he was busy with getting to know new people, he came to forget about my presence. If I have kept being with Tom and accepted his apology, we could have maintained our relationship.
In summation, it’s virtually impossible to provide a completely satisfying answer to an open-ended question. Although the jury may be out on the given essay topic, we can come to a mutual agreement that people should invest more time together to strengthen relationships.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3
| 3 | 2 | Score | Fair 17-23 | - 첫 번째 내용은 template 예시이지만 주장과 잘 어울리는 것으로 보입니다. 자신의 아이디어를 많이 가져오시는 것이 중요합니다. - 두 번째 내용에서의 fighting example은 improve relationship과는 다소 벗어난 느낌이 있어요. 그 부분을 꼭 예로 쓰고 싶으시다면, 마무리를 잘해주셔야 합니다.
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