▶ Your Answer :
Environments
we are living in now are rapidly changing with the advanced technologies that are
advanced more than ever before. Many people could have their own cars, but a
choice to possess a car becomes less attractive for several reasons. (Unclear meaning) I believe
that we would not use cars in twenty years later compared to these days. To begin with, public transportation would
replace the use of cars. In advanced cities, public transportation is more
sophisticated and brings about striking effects to citizens’ lives. It is
a faster and more convenient tool to get one’s destination. With more people
using public transportation systems, there would be fewer private cars in the roads, resulting in
well-organized communal transportation. Using public transportation is much
cheaper, and safer, eliminating efforts of driving cars, etc. Many experts measure
whether the city is systematically developed by the quality of public
transportation. There are also trends that more and more employees tend to use
a public mobilization. (Explain more about this trend) On top of that, the governments all around the
world try hard to ensure the Earth’s stability. Several issues such as global
warming, poor air quality are related to automobile pollution. Since toxic
components emitted from cars affect not only human but whole ecosystems
negatively, it has become a primary problem that should be fixed. Many cities choose hire a method that provides (?? the city would not offer them for free) communal bicycles and electric kickboards to replace
automobiles, encouraging using less cars on the roads. For example, although the city
I live is not a major or big city, there are numerous policies that help people
to commute easily without personal cars. To
sum up, fewer cars benefit people by easier movements with highly functional
public transportation and environments by reducing harmful and noxious elements
that threaten ecosystems. In this regard, I firmly believe that in twenty
years, there will be fewer cars in use than thare are today.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3
| 2 | 2 | Score | Fair 17-23 | - 첫 번째 결론에서는 다시 새로운 idea를 던졌기 때문에 마무리가 되지 못하고 다시 새로운 내용을 요구하게 되는 방향으로 전개가 되었어요. 설명부분을 넣을 시간이 없다면, 내용을 요약하여 결론을 내는 것이 좋겠습니다.
- 두 번째 주장에는 인과관계가 제시되어야 합니다.
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