▶ Your Answer : Some people might say that frequent moving (from where? what? 에세이를 여는 첫 문장인데 이렇게 애매모호하게 시작하면 안 됩니다) has more benefits. However, in my opinion, transferring repeatedly has several serious faults. There are two reasons. First, it needs significant time and energy. Second, when it comes to children’s education, it can lead to bad effects. To begin with, in order to move to other places, people should spent a lot of time and energy. This is because people have to look for lots of information to find their suitable house that they want and prepare many complex processes. For instance, two years ago, I moved to Daegu city from Seoul due to transferring my company. company transference. (due to 뒤에는 명사 나오는게 좋아요) To move, I had to find out my house to live with my five family members from five months in advance. Also, because I had two sons who attended in middle school, I should try my best to consider children’s educational environments. My transferring was sixth times. This made me get stressed out and irritated. So, I often thought of quitting my job. truly think about changing my job or not. On top of that, moving frequently cannot have a positive effect on our children. In adolescence, they should be able to have really close good friends. The longer their friendships, the more they can help and depend on one another. The possibility of having friends who have good friendship for a long time can increase when people live in one place for a long time. For example, there was a survey conducted by education majors in Korea University, with 220 university students as respondents. The purpose of this survey was to understand their thought about their friends. A majority of them said that meeting new friends is helpful for them. However, over 85 percent of respondents stressed that when they were in trouble, older friends were more like to help them and comfortable. 누가 majority인가요?? This proves why people cannot ignore longer friendships. To sum up, moving continuously is closely related to our lives. Taking time and energy and real friendships into consideration, I am sure that living in one place for people’s entire lives is a better choice. 중간 중간 문법적 문장적 오류가 많은 편입니다. 해석하기 힘든 부분도 종종 있고, 무엇보다 흐름이 중간에서 끊기는 듯 한 오류도 많이 보이곤 합니다. 이에 대해서는 proof reading도 중요하지만, 문장 쓰기 연습부터 하는게 아주 중요할 듯 합니다. 전 에세이에서도 같은 오류가 생긴 거 같은데 spend/spent 현재와 과거형 동사입니다. 헷갈리시고 조동사와 함께 쓰면 안됩니다. |