Some people think that parents today understand their children more than parents did fifty years ago. However, in my opinion, parents today do not understand their children better than parents did in the past. This is mainly due to busy schedules children have these days.
To begin with, children have many tasks to complete today including their academy classes or other school activities. Sometime children are busier than adults because they have to attend extra classes after school. Therefore there is less time for parents to get along with their children. According to a research conducted by the University of Cambridge in 2015, the researchers tracked 300 parents to determine how much they comprehend their children. What they found out was intriguing. An overwhelming 80 percent of parents said that they do not know how their children spend their leisure due to the lack of time to communicate with their children. In contrast, only 20 percent of parents answered that they comprehend their children very well. This survey demonstrated that parents do not know their children well. (무작정 끼워맞추지 말고, 최대한 논제 및 문단의 핵심과 면밀히 연관되도록 작성해주셔야 합니다. 여기의 경우는 단순한 커뮤니케이션 부족이 아니라, 학업으로 인한 시간 부족 등으로 구체화해주셔야 해요.)
On top of that, the development of the Internet technology has greatly changed children’s life. They tend to spend their time on social media which enables them to be able to connect with their peers instead of communicating with their parents. Let me bring my own story as an example. One of my cousins who was 14 years old 14-year-old, created a Facebook the Face book account last year. As a result, she rarely passed spent time with her family members. However, my aunt did not know the way to make use of the Facebook, so my aunt had less chance to get along with her little girl. Also, my cousin said there was limitation regarding conversation topics with her parents due to the generation gap.
To sum up, I firmly believe that parents today do not know their children well compared parents did in the pass. All things considered, I firmly believe that my argument regarding this topic has been efficiently and precise delivered with the reasons mentioned above.
총평: 통계 관련 내용을 작성할 때, 주어진 템플릿에 맞추면서 최대한 문단의 핵심과도 일치할 수 있도록 상당히 신경써주셔야 합니다. 그렇지 않을 경우 지금과 같은 상황이 발생하고 이는 점수에 적지 않은 영향을 줄 수 있어요. 또한 고유명사 사용에 있어서도 주의해주셔야 합니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)