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There has been a controversy on whether students should be required to take artistic subjects compulsorily. Some people might think that it is not beneficial for students to take art and music classes as obligations. However, I believe that students may as well learn the subjects mandatorily. There are two major reasons why I think in this way: the development of multi-intelligence and opportunities for self-expression.
Firstly, art and music make it possible to improve the students’ multi-intelligence. Abundant research has documented that a multi-intelligence is crucial to work in and adapt to current societies that demand creativity (굳이 복수로 표기 하시지 않으셔도 됩니다. 단수가 더욱 자연스럽습니다.) and curiosities. The multi-intelligence means that one has diverse intelligences in the areas not only of academic competence but also of artistic skill. In that school should help students to cultivate their abilities needed to adapt to current societies, it is natural for students to learn various subjects necessarily. If students are not required to take these subjects, there might be risks that students only cling to limited subjects, which hinders them from developing balanced characteristics. Thus, students should learn artistic subjects in school mandatorily.
Second, art and music not only improve students’ well-rounded abilities but also give opportunities to express themselves. The ability of self-expression is essential in the process of developing a healthy personality and relationships. For example, recent research shows that a lack of self-expression gives rise to a risk of depression and maladjustment. This indicates that students should have chances to express their thoughts and feelings freely in their developmental periods in order to build their ability of self-expression. Also, artistic activities have been regarded as appropriate actions to express oneself. Therefore, we should require students to take art and music classes in their school.
In summary, I admit there might be a risk that the requirements making students take artistic classes compulsorily decrease the students’ intrinsic motivations. Nevertheless, I believe that the benefits of art and music as obligational subjects far outweigh the risk.
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1. students라는 단어가 너무 많이 반복됩니다.
they와 같이 대명사를 쓰시거나 다른 단어들을 활용해주세요.
2. 철자 오류가 잦은 편입니다. 심한 감점의 요인이 될 수 있으니, 에세이 작성을 마치시고 꼼꼼히 검토해주세요.
+) 단어를 외우실 때 스펠링을 집중적으로 외워주세요.
3. 이유 두 가지는 모두 잘 쓰셨습니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*