■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic :
Q. A person who plans well and works
carefully is more likely to succeed that a person who take risks.
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▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, taking risks plays a
significant role in people’s lives in many of the places where they work or
play. Some people think that a person who plans well and does one’s tasks
carefully is more likely to succeed, while others do not think differently. Both sides may have
their reasons to support their view. If I had to choose one, I would say that a
person who takes risks is more likely to succeed. There are several reasons as
follows. for the following subsequent reasons.
Most of all, taking risks allows people to
improve their personal traits such as being disciplined, passionate. To begin with, people can improve personal traits. When such
traits are well developed, it is likely to bring a better result in their
lives brings about a better result in their lives. For example, when my younger sister was in high school, she had spent
the whole time on studying all academic subjects everyday. It was hard for her
to outdo others by doing this way, because others made appropriate study plans
and studied as well as she did. She thought that this routine plans make her
life exhausted. Thus, she decided to go to Ethiopia with taking risks to learn
many things that she couldn’t learn her daily lives. In Ethiopia, she was able
to make new friends who ate some meals with their bare hands. She realized that
it is just a cultural difference and we have a lot of common in a way. Thanks
to this experience, she was able to broaden her perspectives and set a
ambitious goal to be a world leader. She started to study other language, other
customs and put in more efforts. Finally, she was able to excel all throughout
high school. Without this experience, she would have been fallen behind.
All things considered, I strongly believe
that taking risks is likely to succeed leads to success for the reasons that I mentioned above.
All in all, the importance of challenging attitude cannot be overestimated in
the pursuit of success in life.
점수: 22 일단 한 단락에 너무나 많은 정보를 넣으려고 하는 독립형 에세이입니다. 너무나 많은 정보를 넣으려고 하다 보니 무엇을 말하려고 하는 거인지 모르겠습니다. 에세이 자체가 장황하게 되다 보니 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 따라서 좀 더 간결하게 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 또한 지금 이 에세이의 예시는 개연성이 부족합니다. 예시를 서술할 때 개연성에 초점을 주면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셧습니다.
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*300자 정도도 시간 안에 쓰기가 너무 버거워서 바디 1만으로 시험을 보려고 합니다.
목표 점수는 23-24점대입니다.
첨삭 항상 감사드립니다!