▶ Your Answer :
Nowadays, many people want to live longer.
From the past to recent, people have fear of death and try to avoid that. Many
stories of fairy tale and some kings’ story confirm this phenomenon. I argue why people have fear of
death and want to avoid that for subsequent reason. for the following subsequent reasons.
First of all, death is considered to end of
life to people the ending of life. Entire of life, we earn many things such as money and family.
However, we do not get them after death. People do not want to lose what they
earned entire of their life. Moreover, someone gets anxiety. He does not really
want to die. This is the most reason why people do not want to die. For
example, I have a dream to visit Alaska. I make plan to live there, earn money
and study English harder. But assuming I get non-curable disease and remain
time to death is 2 months. Furthermore, I do not prepare sufficient money to go
to Alaska. In this situation, I really do not want to die. I cannot reach my
dream in my life and that anxiety to reach my dream makes me think live longer.
From above reason, the earned and the anxiety
are related to fear of death Such anxiety is related to the fear of death. But that is not all reason for fear. One more
reason as I thought is unpredictable death. Most people think they will die
when they are old. However, sometimes a sudden incident can be reached to die. happened No one can predict disaster of volcano eruption in Malaysia, terror of 9.11 in the
US and tsunami in Japan. Many people died from those accidents and no one can
come back from death. People feel sympathy but feel relief because those
disasters do not occur to me. But there is an assumption, I had to plan to
visit Japan and my parents worried about the earthquake. I said that is not my
story. And some months later after I came back to Korea, huge earthquake has
occurred in Japan. If I decided to visit Japan some months later, I may be the
one victim of that earthquake and die in Japan. I do not believe religious but
at that time, I pray that I can back to my home to many gods who I was known.
In conclusion, people have fear of death.
That fear is from anxiety to lose after death and thought about unpredictable
accident to make people die. Of course, all people do not want to die even
unborn child. Those reasons I mentioned above are considered people to avoid
death. Since we do not want to die, we effort our life more competitive to live
longer.
점수:22 오히려 지금 이 에세이는 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 전체적인 구조가 에세이식 구조가 아닙니다. 에세이식 구조가 아니다 보니까 각 단락들을 통하여서 본인이 말하고자 하는 것이 무엇인지 파악이 되지 않습니다. 또한 지금 이 에세이는 너무 that절이 많고 구어체로 에세이를 서술하였습니다. 구어체로 에세이를 서술하는 것 보다는 문어체로 에세이를 서술하시는 것이 더 효과적 입니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |