▶ Your Answer :
Many people have
thought "If I go to past" once. However, recent technology and
science said it is not possible. Nevertheless, people make imaginary if they go
back to the past. In my case, I want to go back to when I was a high school
student for the following two reasons. First, I want to
do more activity in and out of school. In Korea, high school students must
effort studying to go "good university." put a lot of effort to enter the university I also one of those
students. Moreover, families also expect a good result. Though I want to do
many things, I could not do those from the tremendous pressure. For example, I
like playing games and hanging around. However, my parents do not like playing
games because of addicting and also hanging around take my time to study. From
those, I cannot do anything that I wanted. That makes me despair. Second, I want
to study harder and make a habit of studying harder. From the above reason, I
hate studying hard. However, I have a chance to teach some high school students
when I was a university student. Because I did not study harder, I suffered
from teaching. When I thought, I lost the basis of high school knowledge. For
instance, I teach mathematics to my student. However, the memory of mathematics
does not infer immediately. At that time, I have no choice to notice the
student "how I will make teaching you."
To sum up, I want to go back to the past when I was
a high school student. If I can go then, I will do more activity and study
harder. I always regret those two reasons. However, there is nothing possible
to go back to the past. Therefore, I always thought about that and do not
repeat the same doing.
점수: 22 일단 두 가지 부분에 있어서 오류가 있는 독립형 에세이입니다. 일단 첫 번째는 각 단락의 대한 내용들이 너무 빈약합니다. 내용들이 너무 빈약하다 보니 각 단락들을 통하여서 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 모르겟습니다. 두 번째는 너무 구어체 입니다. 지금 이 에세이는 에세이를 읽는다라고 느끼는 것 보다는 독백을 읽는 거 같습니다. 좀 더 문어체로 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |