▶ Your Answer :
It is debatable to
study art and music in school. Some people said art and music make people
feel comfortable and emotional. I do not agree about that and argue students do
not need art and music for the following two reasons.for the following two subsequent reasons.
First, studying
art and music have two reasons has two reasons (ing뒤에서는 동사 원형을 서술해야 합니다). One is, raising students’ emotional parts. Another
is, understanding history of art and music. However, there is so big problem to
suggest that. That is, not all as not all people can learn and understand art and music. Someone
draws a landscape and show that to people. Some of people said, “great landscape!”
but some of other people said, “what is this?” For example, a case of mine, I really
hate modern art especially. One day, I saw something called art that is poop on
dishes. I do not understand what meaning is artist wants to say. Furthermore, I
felt angry that piece is priced millions of dollar.
Second, I saw
many people who want to do art or music but no talent or satisfying money they
have. Generally said, art and music are needed need talents. Of course, a few
exceptions exist in great people such as Beethoven who cannot hear his music
but remain a lot of masterpieces. However, assuming someone who cannot hear
challenge to music, most people said that is impossible (무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인가요?). Furthermore,
material of art and device of music is really expensive such as piano. The amount
of price is not capable of the poor. For example, assuming I am the blind and the
poor but I really want to do art especially sculpture. First problem is I do
not make blueprint of piece. Second problem is materials of sculpture such as marble
are too expensive.
In conclusion, the
reasons I referred, show why not all people can be artist or reviewer. There
are many obstacles to reach art and music. Therefore, artist and musician are always
rare job from the past. From above, I suggest students should not study art and
music in secondary school.
점수;21 전체적으로 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 이러한 의문이 드는 가장 큰 이유는 전체적으로 이 에세이를 통해서 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 각 문장들이 완성적으로 끝나는 부분들이 없습니다. 전체적으로 모호하게 설명을 하고 있기 때문에 무엇을 말하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이는 좀 더 구체적으로 명확하게 자신의 주장을 전달하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |