▶ Your Answer : These days, Professors professors (대문자는 문장 시작할 때만 서술하시길 바랍니다) are immersed in various teaching methods to teach their students. It is great importance of selecting to select the teaching method, since it could maximize the learning curve or even decline the curve. However, it is controversial among university whether or not releasing a video of the lecture before the day of class is beneficial. It appears true to me that it would be practical and beneficial method to maximize the learning curve of students for the following two subsequent reasons. First and foremost, students can have a good chance of studying earlier, which can lead to more ultimate understanding of the lecture. Because they can learn by themselves with the released video without the professor before the lecture. Moreover, they can challenge themselves with logical theory of the lecture in advance. For example, when i was a sophomore at university, had a stressful challenge with physics I had a stressful challenge with physics (주어가 없습니다). Logical process and all the theory of physics were huge hindrance to me, until i had a video of the lecture. After the first class, which i was frustrated, professor announced that he will release to release a video of the lecture. It made a huge impact at my learning curve. With this lecture in hand, i could study about the concept of physics with the professor's explanation. As a result, before every class of physics i attend, i was in capable with logical process as well as hard theory and this made physics perceptibly easy for me. On top of this, with the given video, students can go back over the lecture easily. As regard to this With regard to this upper hand, although they couldn't understand could not understand (독립형 에세이에서는 줄인말을 서술하면 안됩니다) the lecture at class, they can catch the part they missed at the lecture. Since most of the students can't flawlessly understands understand (cannot뒤에는 동사 원형이 나와야 합니다) the all topics and theories at lecture, giving a chance to go over the lecture is very beneficial. With the given video, even they missed something at the lecture, they can go back over the lecture. In addition, usually if students couldn't understand the topic, they have to visit the professor or ask their friends. But, since they can access to the lecture with a one-click, don't have to hesitate or stressed about going to professor or asking their friend. To conclude, for those reasons, i strongly postulates that using a video prior to lecture is beneficial to all students.
점수: 23 일단 지금 이 에세이는 각 단락에서 너무 반복적인 표현들이 많습니다. 좀 더 다른 표현을 설명을 풀어서 서술하시길 바랍니다. 또한 단락의 균형화가 맞지 않습니다. 첫 번째 단락은 긴데 두 번째 단락은 짧습니다. 균형에 맞춰서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 또한 너무 어색한 표현들이 많으니 제가 지적한 부분들을 숙지하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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