Technological advances and automation are bad for creating job growth.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
There is an argument over whether it is technological advances and automation are bad for creating job growth. As far as I am concerned, I am in complete disagreement with this argument. The rationale behind this is that technological advances create new job positions through these two ways.
To begin with, technological advances yield various new jobs. This is due to the fact that technological advances lead leads people to invent new automatic automation machines and then companies have to hire people who care and control the new machines. This trend trand can create new work positions through technological advances. In a recent survey carried out by Harvard Business Review, two-thirds of respondents said that they got a job due to the new automatic automative machines. According to the respondents, they said they were skilled by thier company which their position is operation to operate the machinces and control them. This implies that people can get a job by adapting automative system through technological advances. 기술발전이 일자리 증가를 막는다는 제시문에 반대하는 입장이 잘 드러나 있습니다. 새로운 기술과 자동화 기계가 생길 때마다 결국 그를 통제할 수 있는 인력이 필요하다는 설명이 적절합니다. 문법 오류나 부적절한 단어 사용으로 전달력이 떨어지는 부분들이 있으니 적절하게 수정하고 내용을 강화해주시면 좋을 것 같아요.
Also, technological advances encourage company to hire employees more than before. This is due to the fact that an automative machine substitutes substituted for employee's dangerous or annoying work like manufacture. This trend trand makes made employees to dedicate themselves to other positions and it raises raised work efficiency. Moreover, as automative machine can be used worked as for quality test section, there are is few missing or error, so that customers customer satisfied with companies the product and it leads lead more demands. demanding. Due In order to match higher demand, demanding, companies would hire more people and it leads more people to get a job. Accroding to the Ministry of Economy of Korea in 2012, after a movement, which Korean government encouraged companies to adapt automative machine, the number of missing part of products decreased and most of customers were satisfied with products manufactured by automachine. and So as to match these higher demands, companies hired more employee than before. The study showed that technological advances create more job positions. 기술 발전과 기계 사용으로 물건의 질이 높아져 소비자들의 수요가 높아지는 부분까지는 흐름이 적절하지만, 이 내용과 직원을 더 고용하는 것 사이에는 직접적인 관련이 없습니다. 연결고리를 가지고 논리가 이어질 수 있도록 수정해주세요. 기술발전이 생산을 담당하는 대신 시장의 규모가 더 커져서 배송이나 유통, 마케팅 등 시장을 운용하는 데 필요한 일자리가 더 창출된다는 식의 흐름으로 다듬어보면 좋을 것 같아요.
In brief, although there are many people who think technological advances destroy people's job, I personally believe that the advantages of various jobs could be created by adapting automation. far outweigh those of disagreements with this statement. All in all, technological advances cannot be underestimated in yielding jobs.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Limited - Fair (16–20)
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