Film can tell us a lot about country in which they were made. what have you learned about country from watching its movie
The most impressive movie I've watched recently is 따옴표 삭제 Lawyer 따옴표 삭제 that describes describe of previous Korean president named as 따옴표 삭제 Roh Moo-Hyun. It is well-known fact that he is the most righteous justice among all presidents in Korea historically. Thus I was able to see correctly about my nation through the movie plot.
First of all, what I have learned learn from the movie is that in Korea about 19th 19's century the nation perfectly ignored ignore citizens through their own sovereignty. From the scene of the movie, whenever problems problem related to North Korea occured, occur, privileged people catched citizens without relationship.←? and they People were are punished and even died legally by power of nation. Thus I could have learned that privileged people have abused their power to stand their seats. Of course, there must be exaggeration of movie to make it fun or stimulate audience. However, nobody can deny the fact that there is no abusing of privileged people. 영화내용에서 구체적으로 한 나라의 '역사적 상황'에 대해 배울 수 있었다는 점을 설명하는 것은 좋습니다. 영화의 줄거리를 통해 배웠다는 설명을 서론에서 제시했듯, 배운 점만을 서술하기보다 영화가 어떤 식으로 그 사실을 잘 이해할 수 있도록 도왔는지, 어떤 줄거리에서 그런 부분을 배웠는지 설명하면 좀 더 구체적인 내용으로 풀어낼 수 있을 것 같아요.
Secondly, I could learn that Korea had have a wrong recognition about an academic clique. The wrong recognition is that people consider people with high academic clique as smart and clever no matter whatever they do. While considering people with low academic clique as foolish. 문장 내용이 잘 이해되지 않습니다. 내용 단위로 정리하고 주술호응이 맞도록 재배열해주세요. As it is, when Roh Moo-Hyun 'No Mu Hiun' become became a president, many people blame his academical background low academic due to the fact that he doesn't graduate from university. Thus, public opinion the public considered consider him as an incompetent person. However, he finally become a respectful president. and There are lots of followers of him even though even after he died. In this sense, wrong perception about an academic clique in Korea should be changed. 한국의 학벌에 대한 그릇된 인식에 대해 배울 수 있었다는 주장은 적절합니다. 내용에서 영화를 통해 어떤 식으로 이를 배울 수 있었는지에 대한 설명이 연결되어야 하는데, 갑자기 <잘못된 인식이 바뀌어야 한다>라는 주장으로 연결되기 때문에 논점이 맞지 않지요. 적절한 내용으로 흐름을 다듬어주세요.
All in all, movies movie consist of various variety elements which tell about a country. for about 2hours. and There also are national elements as I have mentioned earlier. Thus it is valuable value enough to remind what we see in movie as not just exaggerated media but possibly something in reality.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Limited(1-16)
주장이 명확하지 않은 부분들이나 흐름상 불필요한 내용들을 중점적으로 검토해보시고 최대한 fluent하게 논리 흐름이 이어질 수 있게끔 보완해주세요. 문법오류가 많은 편이니 주술호응에 유의하면서 꼼꼼하게 작문하는 연습도 함께 해주시면 좋을 것 같아요. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 화이팅!