Q. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Schools should ask students to evaluate their teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
A.
As society develops, many issues arise regarding our lives and rise heated debate among people. One such I issue that arouses our interest is whether schools should ask students student to evaluate their teachers. People from different walks of life may take different stances on this contentious issue. Personally, I agree with the given statement. There are several reasons that could validate my position, but in this essay I will introduce two of them as follows.
First of all, it is advantageous for teachers teacher to receive grades by students. 문단의 idea를 더 specific하게 밝혀주세요. 선생님들이 학생들로부터 평가받으면 좋다는 의견은 이미 서론에서 제시한 나의 입장에 해당합니다. 구체적으로 '어떤 점에서' 좋은지를 밝혀주어야 논리력이 생깁니다. 선생님들에게 자극이 된다는 표현 역시 너무 피상적입니다. 어떤 면에서 어떤 자극을 주는지, 평가 시스템이 어떤 식으로 선생님들을 motivate해주는지를 풀어서 설명한다고 생각해보셔도 좋을 것 같아요. 좀 더 구체적이고 명확한 idea가 되도록 내용을 발전시켜주세요. The reason is that they can have the new and fresh stimulation to teach more and harder. For instance, my brother’s school used to adopt the grading system by students, so his teacher, Eugene had more opportunities to have the new motivation. Therefore, Eugene had willingness to challenge against any difficulty although teaching was hard, which helped him show the impressive performances in almost every given class. classes. This made him live a better life. On the other hand, my sister’s school did not have the teacher evaluation system by students, so her teacher was not successful eventually because her teacher did not have chances to receive the new simulation and showed the good posture. If her teacher received grades by students, her teacher would have a better life. In short, evaluating teachers by students should be requested by school and it is beneficial for teachers.
In the second place, it is for worthy for not only teachers but also students. The ground is that students can think what they want to teachers and express their opinion through estimation. Heavy workloads often exhaust students. Sometimes they feel disappointed at poor grades. As a result students often lose their confidence. In this case, teachers who are on good terms with the students can encourage them to overcome such difficulties. 학생들이 선생님을 평가함으로써 얻는 이점에 대해서도 더 구체적인 설명이 필요합니다. 단순히 많은 숙제가 힘들고 낮은 점수때문에 자신감을 잃는다는 부분적인 이야기로 설명하기보다는 [선생의 수업방식을 학생들이 평가함으로써 학생들이 어떻게 받아들이는지에 대한 피드백을 전해줄 수 있고->교사가 미처 몰랐던 부분들이나 개선할 점들을 알게 되면->전체적인 학습 분위기나 교수 체계를 학생에게 더 잘 맞도록 만들 수 있다]하는 식으로 전체적인 흐름을 구체화해줄 수 있습니다. Take my experience as an example. After my first year of high school, I started losing my grip on math and my confidence to succeed in the subject. My friends tried to encourage me, but their efforts did not help at all. Then, someday, I estimated my previous teacher of math class on paper and wrote of my trouble. My new teacher read that and lent me a helping hand. With a good sense of humor and gentle personality, he was popular among students and respected by them. He listened to my problem and offered me word of encouragement. I was deeply moved by his kindness and took courage from his advice. As a result, my grades greatly improved in the next semester. Without his words of encouragement, I could not have overcome the difficulty successfully. 학생이 자신의 어려움에 대해 이야기하는 것과 교사를 평가하는 것은 전혀 관련이 없는 내용입니다. 논점에 맞는 내용으로 수정해주세요.
All in all, due to the reasons mentioned above, I firmly believe that the evaluation about teachers have to be evaluated estimated by their student. So, schools must request that to their students.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Limited - Fair (16–20)
1. 피상적인 주장이 되지 않도록 내용을 더 develop해주세요. 충분한 설명이 불가능한 근거를 선택할 경우 비슷한 이야기를 반복하면서 '우기기'식의 내용이 나열될 수밖에 없습니다.
2. 독립형 에세이에서는 설득력있는 근거를 제시하는 것 자체도 중요하지만 그에 대한 설명과 예증을 얼마나 잘 풀어내느냐에 따라 점수가 크게 좌우됩니다. 논점이 어긋나지 않도록 논제 내용에 유의하면서 흐름을 만들어주세요.
brain storming 단계에서 여러 아이디어를 생각해보고, 그 중 가장 논리적으로 조직해서 글로 풀어낼 수 있는 근거들을 채택하는 것이 중요합니다. 흐름 자체가 어긋난 것은 아니니 현재 내용을 더 발전시킨다는 생각으로 improve해보시면 좋을 것 같아요^^ 수고 많으셨습니다. 화이팅!