*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요.
There has been an argument regarding the issue of whether grading encourages students to learn. Some people maintain that it does not encourage them. However, from my perspective, grading system motivates students to study. In this essay, i will present two reasons to support my idea. 깔끔한 서론 잘 써주셨습니다^^
To begin with, student achievement is stimulated by having grades as an outside incentive. By and large, many students are not interested in a particular subject, but they study harder in order to receive a high score. 그렇다면 왜 getting good grades가 motivation이 되는지에 대한 설명이 필요하겠죠? 성적의 숫자 그 자체가 동기가 될 수 없을 수 있으니까요. 동좋은 성적을 받는 것것이 개인적으로, 혹은 사회적으로 어떠한 이점이 있기에 그것이 동기부여가 되는 지에 대해 설명해주세요. 아무리 당연히 보여도 이러한 설명이 빠져있으면, 논리적인 비약ㄷ이 될 수 있습니다. Students are very unlikely to be inspired to study on the subjects they do not enjoy without grading system. For example, when i Iwas a high school student, I used to hate learning chemistry because i knew i I (I는 문장을 시작할 때와 시작하지 않을 때와 무관하게 항상 capital letter 처리해주셔야 합니다.!) was not going to take chemistry as my major in my university. However, i put lots of effort in this subject to attain a high mark on the tests as i would be proud of myself for getting a good grade. In this regard, i believe that i was not going to study would not have studied as hard as i did if there was no grading system.
Moreover, grades provide students with a substantial evidence of their scholarly progress. Generally, if there were no grades, students would not know how to measure their performance. In other words, students would not know where they stand, whether they should be working harder or they are doing well. 항상 이러한 진술을 하고 난 후에는, 그렇다면 <이것이 왜 필요한 것인지, 어떠한 이점이 잇는지> 에 대한 설명이 확실히 제시되어야합니다. 아무리 그 진술이 옳다고 해도 그것의 실효성에 대한 언급이 없다면 설득력 없는 글이 될 수 있습니다. For instance, i once read an article about an alternative school which halted giving students grades hoping that would allow students to study without worrying about grades. Consequently, many students who thought they were ready to take the KSAT, ended up failing and could not attend the top colleges. 예시가 나온 것 처럼 < 학생들이 성적을 앎으로써 자신의 위치를 아는 것은 진로선택에 도움이된다.> 라는 식으로 설명해주시면 좋을 갓 같습니다. If their school tests were graded regularly, they would have known how well they are doing compare to other students. This would have enabled them to prepare better for the KSAT.
In a nutshell, my contention is that marking system motivates students to learn. This is because it acts as an outside force with drives students for achievement and that it is a lucid indication of their scholarly progression.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Fair-Good (20-24)
논제에 대한 idea들은 좋은 방향으로 흘러가고 있습니다. 다만, 작성자님의 의견에 대한 근거가 충.분.히 설명되도록 단계적으로 (3~5문장으로) 설명해주시면 훨씬 자연스러운 글이 될 것 같습니다. 논제와 더 연관성을 높이는 방향으로 idea를 발전시켜주세요. 논제에 대한 답변으로 연결하는 부분을 중점적으로 연습해주세요. 전반적으로 잘 써주신 글인 것 같아요. 수고하셨습니다.^^