Some people think that
old people could enjoy their life because they can spend much money and time to enjoy life. However, as I become old, I realized that time and money are not all to have fun in life.
In my opinion, young people are happier than old people because young people
have much energy and young people have a few things to give up for enjoying.
To begin with, young
people have energy. Meaning of enjoying life is to satisfy for myself by experiencing what I haven't done
before and learning exploring new fields. If people are not healthy
mentally and physically, they wouldn't follow new experience and wouldn't study
new area. For example, I have seen a number of old people who give gave up to
learn new sports or language. Especially, my mother wanted to learn tennis. However, because of health problem on knee, mother
she gave give
up playing tennis game.
On top of that, old
people have to abandon their position to enjoy life. Contrary to young people,
old people are in high position in terms of social
status. High status people have diverse right
and enjoy abundance.(동사에 적절한 목적어가 아닙니다.) However, if
they want to learn have
much attention to learning new field or to go into dangerous hobby
to enjoy, his own life. they have to
abandon their status and rights. From my experience, my longtime dream is to go
trip around whole world. However, if I get my job and become high position, I
couldn't start trip to world even if it has been my dream of dreams.
To sum up, young people are healthy physically and mentally and achieved less than old people in life. In this regard, young age is proper time to enjoy life.
Writing 0-30 Score Scale
Fair (17-23)
내용적인 측면에서 토픽과 무관한 내용이 없고 잘 쓰인 에세이 입니다. 하지만 삶을 즐기는데 있어서 꼭 무엇인가 포기하거나 해야할 필요는 없기 때문에, 좀 더 부가설명을 하는 것도 좋을 것 같아요. 예를 들면 삶을 즐기기 위해서 무모한 도전을 해야하는 경우가 만다는 내용을 쓸 수 있습니다. 그리고 좀 더 다양한 단어와 문장구조를 활용할 수 있도록 연습해 보는 것도 좋을 것 같아요. 반복을 하는 것은 좋지 않습니다.
수고하셨습니다.