▶ Your Answer :
There has been an argument regarding the issue of whether children should play sports for fun rather than for competition. Some people maintain that they should just play for fun. However, from my perspective, it is crucial for children to take sports seriously and play to beat one another. In this essay, i will present two reasons to support my idea.
To begin with, competitive sports teach kids that it is always important to do their best. By and large, no one is good at anything without working hard. In fact, the only way to be superior at something is by putting ceaseless effort and dedication. In addition, getting a high achievement gives people a sense of accomplishment. For example, when i was a child, i used to play soccer. My coach forced me to run until my limit every game. Although it was not an easy task, i gave all i got every single game. Not surprisingly, i won the MVP of the year in the whole tournament. I was really proud of myself and learned that hard work will pay off one day.
Furthermore, children who participate in competitive sports acquire the abilities that can help them succeed in life. According to the research conducted by National University of Seoul, people who are consummate in sports are likely to become leaders or valued members in the society, and this helps them to be more successful in life. In fact, there are countless number of common names shared between the real world and sports. Generally, the head of the soccer team is called as the manager, just like in business. Not only this, but people who are capable of working as a group, are often referred as team players. The ability to communicate well with one another and lead the group is indispensable in order succeed in every career. In this regard, it is lucid that the traits which make a person good at sports, can make them successful in the real world.
In a nutshell, my contention is that it is better for children to play sports for competition rather than for fun. This is because competitive sports guide children to work as hard as they can and that they help children to develop skills to be valuable members of the society. |
There has been an argument regarding the issue of whether children should play sports for fun rather than for competition. Some people maintain that they should just play for fun. (they가 some people인지 children인지 clear하지 않으니까 children이라고 써주시는게 더 좋을 것 같아요) However, from my perspective, it is crucial for children to take sports seriously and play to beat one another. In this essay, I will present two reasons to support my idea.
To begin with, competitive sports teach kids that it is always important to do their best. By and large, no one is good at anything without working hard. In fact, the only way to be superior at something is by putting ceaseless effort and dedication. In addition, getting a high achievement gives people a sense of accomplishment. For example, when I was a child, I used to play soccer. My coach forced me to run until to my limit in every game. Although it was not an easy task, I gave all I got to every single game. Not surprisingly, I won the MVP of the year in the whole tournament. I was really proud of myself and learned that hard work will pay off one day.
Furthermore, children who participate in competitive sports acquire the abilities that can help them succeed in life. According to the research conducted by National University of Seoul, people who are consummate in sports are likely to become leaders or valued members in the society, and this helps them to be more successful in life. In fact, there are countless number of common names shared between the real world and sports. Generally, the head of the soccer team is called as the manager, just like in business. (문장구조를 조금 더 간단하게 해도 좋을 것 같아요. Just like in business, the head of soccer~~~. 이렇게 쓰면 더 간단하고 concise하게 의미전달이 됩니다.) Not only this(Plus), but people who are capable of working as a group, are often referred to as team players. The ability to communicate well with one another and lead the group is indispensable in order to succeed in every career. In this regard, it is lucid that the traits which make a person good at sports, can also make them successful in the real world.
In a nutshell, my contention is that it is better for children to play sports for competition rather than for fun. This is because competitive sports guide children to work as hard as they can and that they help children to develop skills to be valuable members of the society.
Writing 0-30 Score Scale
Good (24-30)
문법적인 문제도 거의 없고 정확하고 간단하게 의견과 reason을 썼습니다. 에세이를 쓴 후에 기본적인 문법에 실수는 없는지 다시한번 확인 해 보면 더 좋은 결과를 얻을 수 있을 것 같아요. 군더더기 없이 깔끔하게 잘 쓴 에세이 같아요~
수고하셨습니다 ^^
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