TV programs are obliged to show that good people are rewarded and bad people are punished.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
intro 한 문단으로 합쳐주세요
Opinions might be strained over the argument of whether TV programs are obliged to show that good people are rewarded and bad people are punished.
In my opinion, my agreement stance sounds reasonable enough to completely convince me, as seen in the two reasons presented below.
body1 한 문단으로 합쳐주세요
The agreeing position is worthy of winning my support. Indeed, To begin with, TV programs allow allows us to nurture our talents and potential through showing us good examples. 동의하는 입장이라는 점은 이미 서론에서 밝힌 부분이므로 반복할 필요가 없습니다. body에서는 두괄식 문형에 맞게 첫 문장에 구체적으로 '왜 동의하는지'를 바로 제시하는 편이 좋습니다. The present-day In today's society, we are brainwashed to pursue money-oriented goals from our early years. It might misguide misguides us to overlook the importance of right and wrong behaviors, which, in my opinion, leads to a real meaning of success.
At this point, the guidance from TV programs is needed in a way to help us distinguish what is good and what is bad and become well-rounded individuals. 밑줄 친 부분의 논리 자체는 잘 연결되지만, 이 설명 내용과 재능을 기르는 것 사이의 관련성을 모르겠습니다.
In this vein, it is not an overstatement to argue that the obligation of TV programs should be regarded highly. Referring to the studies (2014) conducted by Oxford University in 2014, renowned experts argued that people under the close instruction of documentary TV programs maximize their capacity through differentiate right and wrong and thus keep themselves on the right career path. 모든 다큐멘터리 프로그램이 권선징악의 요소를 가진 것이 아니므로, 논제가 질문한 <권선징악의 요소를 담은 프로그램>을 키워드로 사용하는 것이 적절합니다. The experts also indicated that people are not likely to climb to the top of their career ladder without being helped and advised by didactic TV programs. 선악을 구별하는 것과 올바른 진로를 결정하는 것이 무슨 관련이 있는지 잘 모르겠습니다. 굳이 career path, potential과 연결짓지 않아도 충분히 논리를 만들 수 있으니 더 매끄러운 연결이 가능하도록 다듬어주면 좋을 것 같아요.
body2
Moreover, my strong argument for didactic TV programs can be well-substantiated as follows. TV programs, with their sharp insight, can encourage us to learn moral and ethical standards. Nobody can be born perfect enough to lead a flawless life. Indeed, those who have weak moral standards might be fallible to all kinds of temptations during the long course of their life. In this sense, people should be aided by educational TV programs which can teach us good behaviors. Thus, the role of TV programs cannot be denied in the light of this viewpoint. 적절한 내용의 idea와 논리입니다. As a common example, some young people might feel tempted to tell a lie at school when they have to cover up their mistake and avoid any potential criticisms. This is why the instruction of TV programs is desperately needed. While being helped by the examples and advice of TV programs, people can learn how to act in a unique situation and prevent any mistakes from happening. It leads us to recognize the importance of right behaviors, which can help us to lead a good life. 사례 내용도 적절하게 응용되어 있습니다.
conclusion 한 문단으로 합쳐주세요
In conclusion, my views on the role of TV programs have been outlined above.
I will finish by saying that without the guidance and examples of TV programs, it would take a long time for us to figure out the right path in life and grow up to be well-rounded citizens.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Fair - Good (22-25)
모델에세이를 응용할 때에는 논제와의 연관성을 염두에 두고 활용해주세요. body1의 경우 논리적 비약이 생기는 부분들이 많습니다. 재능개발의 요소를 빼면 윤리의식을 기를 수 있게 된다는 body2와 큰 차이가 없고요. 적절한 idea로 다시 구성해보시는 게 좋을 것 같아요. 문법오류도 꼼꼼하게 검토해주세요. 수고 많으셨습니다^^화이팅!