The ability to read and write is more important today than in the past
Do you agree or disagree?
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
A lot of controversy exists over whether the literacy ability is more significant nowadays than in the past. Some might disagree with the given statement because the advent and development of literacy were was greatly required improved in the past than today. Personally, however, I firmly think that reading and writing skill becomes increasingly more important these days for several reasons. First of all, the employment competition is boosted now. Not only that, but people usually use the Internet in their daily routines. The following statements will support the opinion.
More than anything else, people are more competitive than before because it is difficult to find a the job. In modern society, people are likely to work at the company rather than just doing agriculture living in hometown like in the past. Thus, they have to put much effort on improving their reading and writing capability to get into preferred workplace. As a result, the ability to read and write plays more crucial role in improving people's life. 농업보다는 회사에서 일하는 경우가 더 많다는 것이 왜 읽고 쓰는 능력의 중요성으로 연결되는지에 대한 설명이 필요합니다. 즉, [체력과 실질적인 경험지식을 중심으로 이루어지는 농업보다 주로 업무내용을 읽고 확인해서 서면으로 결과물을 내야 하는 지적 업무를 많이 원하는 사회가 되었기 때문에] 하는 식으로 구체적인 연결고리를 제시해주세요. 이러한 점에서 읽고 쓰는 능력을 잘 하는 것이 competitive job market에서 경쟁력을 갖출 수 있는 방법이다, 하는 결론으로 연결된다면 매끄럽겠지요. According to a study recently released by the Korean National Research Center, more than two thirds of CEOs of the corporations responded that they regard reading and wrting skill as the most important factor importantly because it is necessary in working. Based on the research, they insisted that second-language is also important in global world. 외국어 능력은 직접적으로 '읽고 쓰는' 능력과는 관련이 없으므로 사족에 해당합니다. 이보다는 왜 reading and writing skill을 왜 중요하게 여기는지에 대한 인터뷰내용을 간략하게 소개하는 식으로 논지를 강화하는 편이 좋습니다. As this example demonstrates, it is no doubt that the literacy competitiveness is much more important than before.
Besides, the technological development leads people to boost reading and writing skill. Obviously, it is true that some people still enjoy off-line lives. However, current trend is using the internet at shopping, doing assignments and communicating with others. Therefore, it is no coincidence that the literacy capability is required to modern people to use the Internet which is based on reading and writing. 인터넷이 읽고 쓰는 행위에 관련되어 있다는 연결고리를 제시하면서 중요성이 높아졌다는 내용을 설명한 부분이 아주 적절합니다. 인터넷이 생활뿐 아니라 업무환경 등 사회의 많은 부분을 차지하고 있다는 점을 더 강조하는 것도 좋을 것 같아요. To illustrate, one of my friends Jessica is working works on the net, not commuting to and from the work. Also, she shops shop around the Internet shopping malls with easy access to computer. Furthermore, she communicates communicate with her parents who live lived far away by e-mail. Without the literacy ability talent, she would not be able to live conveniently and effectively. In this sense, people these days should have the talents on reading and writing due to the development of technology. 적절한 내용의 사례입니다.
As I have argued, I strongly believe that the capability of reading and writing is more importnat than before. This is due to the fact that competitive society and technological development. Given this, it is quite obvious that modern people need the skill how to read and write more than in the past.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Good (24–30)
Fair (17–23)
Limited (1–16)
여섯가지 항목의 채점 기준에서 살펴본다면 각 문단에서 나의 입장을 뒷받침하기 위한 idea가 잘 제시되어 있으므로 fair level은 무난하게 받으실 수 있을 것 같습니다. 다만 body에서 이 주제를 설명으로 풀어낼 때 연결고리가 부족한 부분들이 있습니다. 코멘트 참고하셔서 이 부분들을 수정보완해주신다면 충분히 good level도 가능할 것 같아요^^ 오탈자나 수일치, 품사활용, 태 부분에서 문법 오류가 종종 있으니 마지막에 글을 전체적으로 검토할 수 있는 시간 여유 남길 수 있도록 시간조절하면서 다양한 주제로 연습하시기 바랍니다. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 파이팅!