Do you agree or disagre with the the following statement?
people should buy products made in their country even if the price is higher?
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
As the world has become globalized, competition between countries is inevitable, and importing and exporting products from one country to another is a common practice. Thus, companies are striving to get for attention not only from fron consumers in their countries but also from those overseas through marketing, promotions, and sand services. Some contend that shoppers should take advantage of their freedom to choose what they wish to buy. However, for two reasons, I strongly believe purchasers should buy products from their own country even if the price is higher. For one thing, it will cause an effect of accumulating a national power by keeping money in the country's economy. Moreover, it will promote the research and develpment of new products.
To begin begn with, purchasing products from one's own country would promote the economic growth of the country. To illustrate that, if people in a nation refuse to buy mainstream goods and from their country and favor imported commodities commoditie instead insterad, both firms manufacturing the completed goods and the subcontractors manufacturing specialized parts and components will suffer. For instance, almost 100 years ago, Japan exported its commodities commodites without a tariff and Koreans prefered to buy Japanese commodities. commodites. As a result, a Koreans Korean industry was devastated and Korea became the colony of Japan because its whole industry as well as trading corporations suffered the hardship from economic difficulties. 사례내용이 사실과 다르기 때문에 신빙성이 떨어집니다. 한국사람들이 일본 상품만 선호해서 한국 경제가 어려워지고 식민지가 되었다는 표현이 비약에 해당합니다. 경제와 관련짓는 기본적인 idea의 방향 자체는 적절하니, 설명 내용만 잘 수정해서 신빙성 있는 문단이 되도록 재구성해주세요. 국산품을 구매하지 않으면 경제가 망한다는 극단적인 표현보다 국산품을 구매하는 것이 국내 성장의 기반이 된다는 흐름으로 풀어내는 편이 좋을 것 같아요. This proves how important the domestic industry to maintain to keep an economic power.
On top of that, companies are motivated to develop and improve their products when customers purchase purchae them. In other words, they have a responsibility to meet shopprs' expectations. 사람들이 물건을 구매하면 회사가 소비자에게 보답하기 위해 더 발전한다는 내용은 '국산품'을 사야 하는 이유와는 전혀 관련이 없습니다. 사람들이 국내에서 생산된 제품을 사는 것이 더 좋은 이유를 설명해야 합니다. 논제에 대한 답변이 될 수 있는 idea로 수정해주세요. 소비자 입장에서 국내제품을 사는 것이 더 좋은 이유에 대해서 생각해보셔도 좋을 것 같아요. 예를 들어 수입품을 사는 대신 국산품을 사면 a/s나 환불 절차가 복잡하지 않아 편리하지요. For example, Gandi of India in 1930s appealed to its people that Indians had to buy the domestic products from their own country even though the price was higher than that of British commodities. manufactured overseas . The consequence was that the Indian industry began to be stimulated to produce better products as a way of attracting business although this started as handmade industry such as spinning wheels. This means that such a practice will not only bring in higher profits but also inspire companies to raise the standard of their goods, resulting in a synergy synergisitic effect.
It is true that one of the notions of a democratic market is that consumers should have the freedom to decide what they want to pay for. However, if most people prefer prefered imported products of better quality and nd a lower price, it would result in a nation relying only on impoting goods. For the reasons of economic growth and improved product development, I agree with the statement that people should buy products poducts from their own country first despite a higher price.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Limited - Fair (16–20)
1. 문법오류, 오탈자가 많아 전달력이 떨어집니다. 작문하실 때 꼼꼼하게 신경써주시고, 글을 쓴 뒤 마지막 단계에서 검토할 수 있는 시간 여유를 남겨두면서 연습해주세요. 서론, 결론은 점수에 큰 영향을 미치지 않으니 서론/결론의 분량을 줄이고 시간을 절약하는 것도 도움이 됩니다.
2. 주장에 대한 논리가 좀 더 구체화되어야 합니다. 사례 내용 역시 신빙성 있는 내용으로 다듬어주세요.
수고 많으셨습니다^^ 화이팅!